Tibetan Book of Living and Dying Blog

I first looked at HHSR in these blogs, here and here, and then began writing a number of blogs in Zandtao. It has become a bookblog now, 15/03/11, even though there are earlier dates copied from Zandtao blog.

On pp116 - 121 HHSR in "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" gave an excellent description of ego, most of which I would like to copy in this blog - it is worth studying. In part of his description [p116] he talks of a woman recovering from amnesia seeking an identity. "Frantically, and in real dread, we cast around and improvise another identity, one we clutch onto with all the desperation of someone falling continuously into an abyss. This false and ignorantly assumed identity is "ego"."

What happens to young people in the West. In general religion is weak and attitudes to family are varied. The one constant is education - for most going to school and for most of the rest taking exams. And what is the primary aspect of the mind that we educate in schools - the intellect. Especially for those successful in the western education system, by its terms, (ie those who have passed innumerable exams), the intellectual ego is very dominant. What is the difference between intellect and insight? Outwardly none. The Buddha had insight into the 4NT, what if I had insight into them? And wrote them down calling it an insight, people would laugh and at best call it plagiarism. The outward form of insight is concept as with intellect, so the intellectual ego takes great steps to block insight - to block memory of who we are, to block us from returning home.

Now this intellectual ego is very powerful in the West, it is a significant aspect of our culture. When we talk of the spiritual Path many of us have had to battle with this intellectual Path; in my case I hit bottom. On p128 HHSR describes the difficulty of finding the Path in the West and contrasts it with Tibet where "choosing a particular path or teacher was far safer". Culturally this is so important. With the dominant hegemony of the West few consider seeking understanding elsewhere. Whilst Gap year people seek adventure and perhaps some understanding it is mostly to add to their cultural experience gained back home. It is not a process of unlearning that which distances them from the Path - such as the intellectual ego. And for those that do venture that far, they enter a teaching environment which talks of Gods, demons, ghosts and animism. It involves a teaching style that demands blind obedience and contains an unwillingness to accept questioning. Whilst it is necessary to accept discipline, whilst meditation is needed to overcome attachment to ego, and whilst pointless questioning is only a distraction, such teaching styles can alienate some serious western seekers. As a result these return to the West to the charlatans who offer a quick fix and exhorbitant prices such as Big Mind often referred to by Brad Warner (this is a typical blog entry). Devotional styles of learning, whilst suiting some individuals, do not fit in with the miseducated minds of western culture.

Unfortunately this is a matter of survival of the spiritual Path. There are far more westerners floundering around with this or that fad connected with spirituality than there are on the Path itself. Such floundering is understandable when you consider the intellectual minds their search is predicated on. As a consequence western spirituality is not making sufficient inroads. The intellectual education which has developed a powerful ability to dismiss that which does not benefit capitalism disparages the trendiness and ethereal nature of much that goes for misguided western spirituality leading to an "entire society …. seeming to negate every idea of sacredness or eternal meaning"[HHSR p128]. HHSR quite rightly tells us that in Tibet there is a tradition of lineages which he points to as a wisdom tradition and a means of safety. But whilst the people of Tibet might accept this tradition and be willing to scramble across Tibet prostrate on all fours to visit the Potala Palace, western miseducated minds in general do not accept such devotion. Perhaps there is a balance between this devotion and the miseducated minds, I know far too little to assess what that balance is, nor do I have the wisdom to determine the appropriate pedagogy. But what is clear now is that globally the world is distancing itself from the spiritual Path and the wise are not able to influence the power of the West. Assessing the nature of the powerful miseducated western mind and determining the pedagogy that copes with such minds is a matter of global survival. When you combine this with the increasing accumulation of power by the few in the West, the danger is so apparent.

It might well be that in this day and age more westerners are seeking some answers to the problems their populations allow their democratic governments to perpetrate, but the spiritual influence is not affecting what needs to be affected. In the 60s there was a movement of people in the West who sought a means to move spiritually to love and peace, but now we are in a far worse situation. Whilst there may be many people on the internet seeking solutions, in the real world the power continues to accumulate with the few whose spiritual dearth is frightening. Those that know perhaps need to re-evaluate how they are teaching, how their teachings are being spread in the West.

In many ways doubt has not been an issue for me. After hitting bottom in my early 20's I knew I was on my Path. After dabbling with Yaqui knowledge, as described by Castaneda, in the Ardennes I knew there was a Path, I knew I had some kind of guide - there was no doubt - there was no going back from the Path. As a teacher at Dick Sheppard (1977-1985) I did many things that were close to the line and some would say I crossed it - even if I did it didn't matter because I was a teacher - no doubt. And the essence of it was that the students were learning - that was my Path. Later when I strayed a little - too much booze and too much involvement in politics, the Path still held me calling me Home.

But there is no doubt that I have been complacent in my life, not always doing enough to hold onto the Path. Often the Path would force me back onto it. And at other times the complacency would say that I am on the Path, I am doing right, and then doubt would creep in causing me to change, and hold to the Path more. This was especially so when I started daily meditation. Here doubt was Nature's tool for keeping me on the Path. HHSR calls this "Noble Doubt" on p124.

An aspect of this doubt is the questioning I have referred to in these blogs 23 and 24? Doubt shows and asks questions about whether I was genuinely on the Path and was I doing the best I could? And now the best I could means meditation. Doubt tells me I am never doing the best I can, complacency says I am doing the best. Between the two is the truth of where I am at. I could always do more and I could do far less. I could always do more meditation, I could always help more people, I could kill fewer mosquitoes, but there is far less I could do, far less than I have done. The balance is for me to decide, my doubt.

This questioning doubt is important and must be part of the Path but it must not be destructive. There is constructive questioning that holds to the Path, a Path that in a permanent sense does not change but in daily life is always changing. Compare this with the destructive questioning that is academia. Knowledge, what is knowledge? Mind, what is mind? Truth, what is truth? And so on. There is a continual academic process of postulate and destruction. There is no conviction, there is no recognition of the Path, just a continual process of destructive questioning. Why is there never a recognition of the Path as Truth? The intellectual ego. The ego is shallow and non-existent, collective recognition of the Path would expose the ego for what it is. So the ego builds its strength by destructive questioning. Enshrined as a place of knowledge, academia ensures that the intellectual ego is never threatened. When people postulate the Path as Truth, academics question. They demand objective proof. They ignore the empirical truth of the repeated meditation journeys but demand truth by rationale; they ignore this mainly because those in power do not follow a Path. But reason cannot find that Truth, it can only be found by intuition or insight. Yet all those with insight postulate the same Path but this is not accepted as proof. Why? Because those with power do not have the insight. So what do those with academic power do? They question destructively. They destroy the Knowledge that is the Path, and repeatedly propose new "knowledge", their theories, which then get attested to by other academics for the simple reason that they follow the people who have the power, senior academics, have control, control of the money and power. As a consequence the only thing that academia does is ensure that the Truth is never known by all.

And ultimately why does this happen? Collective Truth as Knowledge of the Path is a threat to the global money interests. There are two interests who fight the global hegemony of money, the compassionate and the trade unionists. The trade unionists are better than the capitalists because they are fighting to say that all people should have equal share of the cake. Whilst they are better they are still being greedy. This shows with Trade Unionists who demand that the workers in their country should have their share of the cake but supporting protectionism that prevents all the people of the world from having their share.

But the compassionate say we want what Nature wants. Nature provides and we should work within the constraints that Nature provides for us. This compassion would free the world from suffering but it would also deny the wealthy 5% their control of global resources. Control the questioning, keep the questioning destructive, and ensure that we do not learn our true compassion. "Turn the dogs of doubt in doubt itself" HHSR quoted a Hindu master[p125].

I find this so difficult to write about because it leaves me open to legitimate criticism of arrogance; at the same time I know I am not as humble as I might be. When I was younger the criticism of arrogance was completely legitimate, I rejected much tradition simply because it was not current and I knew little of what that was. That was the arrogance of youth fuelled by an education system that encouraged me to be arrogant because of success in exams. Now I am fighting the label arrogance in search of a truth.

Do I need a master to be the best I can? Are teachers and masters the same? When HHSR talks of devotion to a Master he is talking of a genuine form of mimicking that Master through devotion. I don't do that. Would I do that if I met a Master? To be quite honest, I am not sure I would. And that to me sounds incredibly arrogant. So I want to investigate it. Is HHSR one of my teachers? In other words are books teachers? I am not saying all that HHSR is is in his books, I am absolutely certain that he is far more than his books, but I can learn from his books. And as with all teaching the teacher does not always know what the student is going to learn, for the simple reason that when the teacher uses words such as Path its meaning is so different for all that use it. I am equally certain that I cannot know what HHSR means by the word Path, partly because he is far wiser than I and partly because he is from a different tradition and at present I do not attempt to follow his tradition.

I classify teachers in two ways - Inner and Outer. The Outer teachings are through meeting with wise people, talks and books. I have met wise people personally but with all due respect those personal meetings could not be described as meeting with Masters. I have attended talks given by people such as Thay or Krishnamurti, people who some might term Masters. These people are impressive, and when I consider their wisdom I feel small and that I have much to learn from them. But not as a disciple. Whilst I have studied Thay's books I do not wish to live in a Plum Village. Whilst I have much to learn I am learning in my haven, Baan BillZ, with my Inner teacher. Does that mean I am complacent? Far from it, I could spend more time learning, but equally I could spend far less.

I remember my last reaction to a Thay talk, I was dissatisfied. In part I was dissatisfied because I could not understand his reaction to the sound system failure. But I also reacted internally. I had looked forward to his talk yet when I attended it was a let-down. Why? Fundamentally I realised that what needed to be done was internal. I needed to engage with teachings internally, I needed to improve my meditation, it was my journey that I needed to work on. This was not going to happen at talks when there is so much more I could do. The talk taught me that I was not doing the best I could. That realisation was a valid enough reason for attending the talk but surely I could have told myself that, it was not the external teaching of the speaker .

So many wise people say you need to work under a Master, I cannot dispute them - they are so wise. I don't want to dispute them, if you can find a Master to work with then great. My concern is for those who have not found Masters. I believe the term I have heard used is Spiritual Tourists, maybe their search for a Master is genuine, but the people I am concerned about are running from one Guru, ashram or teacher to another. Some are waiting for perfection, if everything is just right then they will become a disciple. Can everything be just right? I met a guy who believed Tai Chi was everything - he had never done it but he was convinced it was the answer and was waiting until he found the right teacher; I don't know if he ever did and whether it was his answer. His criticism of what I was doing was that I wasn't 100% Tai Chi, and I shouldn't be concerned about this and that. It was so theoretical, he was not doing the nest he could at the time - waiting. Another guy I knew in Africa had been in a commune in his 20s. He claimed he had worked for enlightenment but never got it - so he had given up. At the time I knew him (in his 50s) he was a drunk. Maybe there is this perfection around but surely what must be done is the best you can at the moment, not what is available at the end of the rainbow. How many people are out there looking for the perfection at the end of the rainbow?

So much can be done with your internal teacher, that is what I am trying to say. I am not arguing against Masters I am simply saying work with your internal teacher. Our western education trains us into seeking solutions outside, this is the intellect. The intellect scrambles around on the surface of the mind pasting on this or that theory evaluating it rationally. But this intellectual mind does not internalise, the ego does not allow it. In a sense this is what happens with spiritual tourism. People wander from teacher to teacher, and the words become theories on the surface of the mind. I met a guy who had travelled and visited many teachers. He appeared to me so confused. There were aphorisms and supposed deep-thinking for every occasion but what there wasn't was the internal peace that comes from integrating internally; he was still seeking a teacher.

Does the requirement of becoming devoted to a teacher fully recognise the way this can be misconstrued by the intellectual mind? A major need is to internalise, of course teachers would point that out. But how much can be gained by internalising for oneself? Taking that journey for oneself is so refreshing rather than receiving it as a teaching and then perhaps lulling oneself into thinking one has internalised. It is so easy to receive a teaching and then apply it with all good intention because at the time it was required. Such a receiving can also come with a great feeling of learning produced by the learning environment, and yet in colder isolation later one can realise that this was not the bells and banjos felt during the buzz of the teaching. Of course the teacher can point that out if they are aware of it. But if the journey is made yourself you can internalise, and then the process is more genuine.

This does have dangers however, dangers that a teacher can help avoid. But there are two things that can help you on your own - meditation and moral integrity. Meditate daily morning and evening. And in meditation develop a deep moral integrity, question your morality. By this I do not mean recant a moral platform, do not enunciate moral righteousness, but develop a deep moral integrity. Without this the Path is dangerous. How many spiritual tourists are also sexual tourists seeking spiritual answers whilst sleeping around? In our western culture traditional sexual values have been lost, the sexual values of monogamy and family. It is so easy to get sucked into a lifestyle of dabbling with spirituality whilst dabbling sexually. Is this the answer? Discuss spiritually and then into the sack. If you come from a society where promiscuity is quite prevalent then it is natural to consider that sexual liaisons can go hand-in-hand with spiritual discovery. But is that in fact true?

This is not something to be prescriptive about, but the sexual practices of some of the spiritual is something for concern. I know for me that relationships have always been a distraction on the Path, and in the end I have come to realise that I was not being genuine in seeking such relationships. At the core how many women are seeking relationships with a view to starting a family? I believe this is natural for many, but in my relationships with such women whilst I might have verbally made a contract that I was not seeking family was that the way the woman saw it? On the spiritual path maybe women perceive this notion of family differently, how can I possibly say? Maybe there is a spiritual union on the Path? I don't know but I can only describe what has worked for me. Since I have stopped seeking a relationship I have been less distracted from the Path, of course age and the lessening of the sexual desire has influenced that process. I cannot be descriptive but which is more important? The Path or the relationship? Can you have both? Only you and your partner can answer that. The Path is permanent, the relationship is temporary.

So I conclude with Masters. If you have been fortunate enough to find one, then I hope your journey is fulfilling. If not try working with meditation and moral integrity, internalising with our inner teacher can be fruitful.

HHSR speaks much of devotion to his masters, following Guru Yoga is integral to the Tibetan system. "To see the master not as a human being, but as the Buddha himself, is the highest blessing" [p137] gives thought for concern along ACIM lines, but the following section [p140] puts this in context:-

"All that I have realised I have realised through my devotion to my masters. Increasingly, as I go on teaching, I become aware, humbly and with real awe, of how their blessings are beginning to work through me. I am nothing without their blessings, and if there is anything I feel I can do, it is acting as bridge between you and them. Again and again I notice that when I speak of my masters in my teaching, my devotion to them inspires a vision of devotion in those listening, and in those marvellous moments I feel my masters are present, blessing and opening the hearts of my students to the truth."

Such devotion can open heart to the truth, devotion can open the heart to the truth. For HHSR the devotion that opened his heart was to his masters so the question to be asked is "If you have not contact with masters or are not seeking a master what is the devotion that can open the heart to truth?"

Can you not have devotion to the Path?

Devotion (Wordweb):-

1) Feelings of ardent love.

2) Commitment to some purpose.

3) Religious zeal.

Paraphrasing:-

1) Feelings of ardent love for the Path.

2) 100% commitment to the Path.

3) Religious zeal for the Path.

What does this mean? The Path is 100% the lifestyle, so the question then concerns complacency:-

Is the Path 100% my lifestyle?

And of course the answer is an unequivocal no, so a change is in the offing. It reminds me of my decision at Sihanoukville concerning taking orders. In my travels those 3 months, I had developed a lifestyle that satisfied me that my Path was not taking orders, and using the word I can say it is because I can be more devoted at Baan BillZ. But have I been more devoted? And the answer is yes and no. Yes, because my Path and orders are different. No because I have not committed myself enough to the Path - not enough devotion.

I am blasé and apathetic about removing entertainment from my lifestyle. I freely express "I watch too much TV" but the problem is that I let that TV watching extend into my religious life by altering the shape of my day because I stay up late. I have changed the shape of my day today - sadly I have done that before, but the shape of my day is an act of devotion so hopefully this change will be more determined.

The beach has made me complacent because my Path at the beach mostly makes me proud - there is devotion there. This pride has led to complacency and I have become slack at home, home almost exclusively being domestic, teaching, sleep and entertainment with my meditation suffering because I meditate at the beach. I must make my home more a place of devotion, I must make more time for devotion at home. I always held the mornings sacrosanct for meditation and writing, I need to reclaim the mornings for the Path by curtailing the entertainment. If entertainment interferes with the Path again, then I will have to consider the monastic approach - no TV; I must keep control for the Path, I want the Path to work through me.

His book should have been a bookblog, if I keep writing about the book I will do so. On pp 143-149 he describes his own Guru Yoga with regards to Padmasambhava. There is much that is interesting about his Guru Yoga, not least of which is my beginning to take on the notion of yoga as unity. His devotion is not towards a living master is another important aspect for me. I have talked about devotion to the Path, and have been concerned that this is not devotion to a physical human being I know. Here HHSR is devoted to Padmasambhava, and he sees this as symbolic devotion to all masters. He is devoted to all masters, isn't that the Path?

He has a 4-step meditation as his Guru Yoga.

1) Invocation

2) Maturing and deepening the blessing

3) Empowerment

4) Resting in the Rigpa

1) Visualisation of the master, invoking in the sky in front of you the master as the embodiment of truth. Fill your heart with the presence and "inspire me to purify all my karma and negative emotions".

2) Mantra - using the mantra offer your heart in one-pointed devotion. He see hundreds of little Padmasambhavas circulating in the form of sound inside him.

3) Rays of light emanate from the master in 3 phases:-

a) White emanating from the forehead of the master and entering your forehead chakra. Mind.

b) Red emanating from the throat and entering your throat chakra. Speech.

c) Blue emanating from the heart and entering your heart chakra. Body.

4) Dissolve the master in light and become one with you in the nature of your mind, the original ground, Rigpa.

Similarities here to what I do, and I see a way of taking things forward but have not worked out how yet.

Since writing this I have tried my own version with intermittent success:-

1) Feeling compassion - compassion through the head and crown chakra linking owth the source behind the heart. Project compassion outwards and try to mix with compassion that is there already. Sometimes get the feeling of compassion.sometimes don't.

2) Have begun saying "Om mane padme hum" to myself thinking of compassion. Despite reservations does feel good.

3) Breathe in compassion through these three chakras and relate it to having compassionate mind, speech and body.

4) Try to be one with compassion and sunyata.

I wrote 3 years ago about addiction, and it has come round again. A phrase HHSR used reverberated in my head "addicted to samsara", then another question disturbed me "What do I really want?", and the answer to that question came to me in meditation yesterday - I don't want to be addicted to samsara and to help with this I want to become addicted to compassion. I don't know whether this will work - too many things haven't worked, but it has helped so far.

The real issue of addiction to samsara is this for me, if I am not 100% on the Path then I must be addicted to samsara because why would I choose samsara. Why would I choose all this pointless temporary stuff of samsara?

When I was asking myself what I really wanted, a number of the usual answers came up before I decided I wanted to be addicted to compassion. I want to teach - Zandtao or whatever label. I then moved into a flight of fantasy about how and where I could teach Zandtao, but in the end this was not what I really wanted because it was temporary; if teaching happens it happens but it is not what I really want. What I really want is to be compassion not addicted to samsara, and, temporarily I hope, I will become addicted to compassion whenever samsara's addictions beckon me.

I compared this addiction with the alcohol addiction, I didn't really want to stop drinking. I wanted to be healthier - life as healing. To be healthier I had to stop drinking, I wanted not to be addicted to the drink because I wanted to feel better. Although I can't remember being conscious of this at the time I wanted to follow my spiritual journey, my Path, and alcohol was getting in the way. The same was true of relationships with women, I wanted to follow my spiritual journey but women got in the way. And it is true now of samsara, I wanted to follow my spiritual journey but samsara got in the way. The Path, to be compassion.

14/03/11 Realised that addiction to compassion is an avoidance - just didn't work. The issue is "being compassion", that has to be enough. When I gave up the booze I had a negative attitude that it was a good time to try - worried about my health. It was the right time, and with self-disicpline especially on Fridays it was enough. As I started to give it up I began to feel better and the thought of waking up with those hangovers kept me going. Now I want to wake up with compassion and addicted to samsara means that I don't. I want to dream compassion but addicted to samsara means I don't. That has to be enough with more focus on will, the will to being sunyata.

15/03/11	The start	26/02/11	HHSR Ego and Culture	02/03/11	Doubt and Complacency	03/03/11	On Masters
05/03/11	Devotion and Complacency	07/03/11	HHSR and Guru Yoga	13/03/11	Addiction