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Once I became an adult, spirituality has always been important. This is the definitive part of my life review because it focuses on spirituality. I then finished this page on Buddhism, but have now developed a section on Buddhism with Spirituality. There is a marrying of ancient and modern happening. |
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Without any disrespect to my parents who gave me an excellent start in education by providing me with all the qualifications and resources to start an adult life, I would have to say that my spiritual life did not begin as a child. Once I reached the age of 21 with suitable qualifications, it was only then I began to think. Until then I was a spoilt arrogant academic who thought life owed me a living. I started and failed in the World of Work, and through my alcoholism I hit a serious low point. It was the nearest I ever came to hitting bottom, but as a consequence of drink and immaturity I had a partial nervous breakdown. I ran home and it was then that I began my life as an adult – not yet mature but in some ways having wiped the slate clean to allow the possibilities of a mature perception to develop. At that time 1974 the question of hitting bottom was accepted, now young people are permanently restricted into being mature whilst they are still children – this is a sadness, a waste and unnatural. The first thing that grew out of this "new adulthood" was that I became attracted to an underground Arts Centre at the Elephant and Castle. I don’t know why because until then I had always been a man’s man, drink sports etc. The people there helped me open out and I began to learn about the spirit (although I didn’t know it then) through the creativity of the people I met there. I was encouraged by a wise woman, Wendy Southern, who saw in me far more than I saw in myself , and through her help I began writing science fiction stories for the magazine she edited at the Arts Centre. This was the only time I have been published but writing has been important to me ever since, and although I would like money for it I will always write. I was not sure whether to call this part of my life, nature or Castaneda.- or even perhaps more correctly the wisdom of Don Juan. But in truth what was the influence was that spiritually I found the importance of being back to nature. I was fortunate when I was at school to be taken hiking by two teachers – Mr Bubblesworth and Mr Blenkinsop. I have no idea why I went but I did. I don’t even particularly remember the walking trips except for damaging my cartilege running down one of the Peak District hills but at this stage in my life I started to remember those experiences, and started to re-integrate Nature into my life. Ever since then Nature has always helped me centre myself. The waterfall at the top is in the Eastern Highlands of Zimbabwe at Chimanimani. It was at Chimanimani, the first mountains I visited for the five years I have been in Africa., where I recently centred myself. And part of the consequences has been this life review. To Castaneda. At this time in my life, 24, I was nowhere just searching. I was looking in Arts Centres, books , anywhere for some understanding. A friend, Yves Bertrand, offered me the privilege of staying in a small cottage in Belgium, and he also took me to the Ardennes. At the time I was reading Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan, and getting lost learning, about direction, listening for signs, showed themselves to me in the forests of the Ardennes. Coming back from Belgium I felt that I had begun to be seriously equipped as an adult. This spiritual aspect of Nature has forever more been a major influence in my life, and many an hour spent wandering the South Downs with emotional problems. Or the beauty of Ireland, the Macgillicuddy (?) Reeks in Kerry, through Dingle and Connemara(?). Africa, Chimanimani, and now Oman. Castaneda also introduced me to the idea of following the true path. Don’t ask me what it is but I do try to follow it. I couldn't decide whether to call this section Quality but then I remember at the time there were many other aspects of Pirsig's book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which impacted on my life – particularly the Church of Reason. At present I am studying for an M Ed. Luckily this M Ed is not restricted too much by the worst aspects of the Church of Reason. I have therefore been able to incorporate some of Pirsig's influences in that M Ed. Check out:-
Although they may not be too happy with what I have to say here I will always be grateful to the Theosophical Society for teaching me the academy of spirituality. But unfortunately, for me the theosophical society represents both the positive and negative aspects of academy. Through academic tuition one discovers the knowledge needed for life, but it is only through the experience of life and the gaining of wisdom that one truly learns about life. I see a parallel with the Theosophical Society. They taught me much about how to learn about spirituality, they have great sources of knowledge through Madame Blavatsky, and their path of bringing together world religions under the banner "There is no religion Higher than Truth" is an extremely laudable task. But I became bogged down in the theories of time, and lost track of the spirituality. They will say it’s my failure – that’s fine! However I learnt a great deal about different world sources of religious wisdom and I will always be grateful for that, and I hope I can always subscribe to "There is no Religion higher than Truth". As well as failing to impart any spirituality our education system also fails to teach us any control of our mind and body. In my adulthood controlling mind and body has always been an issue. I soon attempted self-control through forms of yoga and meditation, especially when I was involved with the theosophical society. I used to follow various yogic and meditational regimes, and they always helped. I have called this section "Tai Chi" because it has helped me the most in terms of health and fitness. It gives me physical control but there is a difference between the effects of Tai Chi and yoga. Tai Chi develops energy through use of natural movement, yoga does the same whilst static. This doesn’t suit me. I have also found a natural affinity for acupuncture so maybe there is no other explanation than that. I would like to thank my Tai Chi teachers, especially Brian Cooper in Brighton. Tai Chi helps you control the mind through movement by focusing on the form but I was not able to transfer this control to daily life. At the same time I was beginning to doubt some of the regimes. This crystallised through listening to Krishnamurti whose description of meditation is that it is "constant observation". He was highly critical of meditation systems. Meditation systems can repress the mind if applied wrongly. The mind needs to be calmed to allow our True Natures to come out, the mind should not be in control. I allowed my mind to focus on what was my failing in understanding meditation and some systems, and for the mind to then interpret that as a failing of the system. This was gross on my part. I know it is strange to find politics as part of a spiritual path but I claim that my involvement in politics was spiritual but it was. I came to the conclusion that the political system of capitalism was preventing many people from following a spiritual path. Because of the need for intense labour many people didn’t have the time to develop spirituality, especially with the additional demands of the family. At the same time the type of intensity required more and more in jobs meant that people did not have the energy to develop spiritually. I consider the right to develop spiritually is a basic human right, and I felt that the freedom needed for such development would not come through a capitalist system. My most important work was within the trade union movement. The most important work I did was representing the NUT members at school but this was the least satisfying. Unfortunately I misjudged the situation where I allowed my own political desires to be fanned by the verbal frustrations of my members, and this just led me into conflict with an unreasonable employer. The more enjoyable trade union work came through the Brighton Hove and District Trades Council for whom I was very active for a time, including being General Secretary. I would like to pay tribute here to George Cooper who was a great comrade, I would like to have worked with him longer. I learnt a great deal within the movement and I am very grateful to all the people who worked with me. There are many more issues and campaigns I worked on, and maybe I will provide links to material but it was the past. It was the past for two reasons. Firstly, being involved in politics was part of my response to life in the UK. I always had an international perspective and when you consider the balance of economic power in the world then the working people of the UK have much greater responsibility. Despite what you said they never heard. Secondly I feel that the stress and working conditions of UK teaching led me to respond politically, especially the stress, Here in Botswana without such stress I don’t feel the need although there are many injustices - both socially and for me personally. I feel as if I had a mid-life break in Botswana, recovering from youthful indiscretions such as alcohol, as well as recovering from the impossible life-shortening stresses placed on UK teachers. In Chimanimani I felt the need to develop more spiritually.. Bright lights and the wonder of discovery made spiritual evolution much easier when younger, now I need to be more mature and less lazy. I completed my M Ed in May 99, and I wanted to start a Ph D. I started work on a Ph D. I had hoped that it could be directed in much the same way as the M Ed. But I met the old problems of academia. It felt as if the goalposts of acceptance had been moved. When I got my B Sc I wasn't a true academic, only having a degree. Now it seems if you only have an M Ed it equally means nothing as academic entrance. After many attempts at reading philosophy books that had little meaning to me but simply giving me targets - bookmarks, I submitted work which was fundamentally considered naive. I don't know whether it was but I didn't think so. It didn't have the substance of academia because it wasn't detailed. My work wasn't going to be a major study on a miniscule detail of philosophy. This direction wasn't for me. I found myself again on a spiritual journey of soul and alienation – but being Outside Inside. Maybe it will be a book, I started it but for ...... This study failure was a blessing in disguise. Although I spent a significant proportion of my time last year up until March fitting me as a square peg in a round hole, it was a waste in terms of the academic Gods. After much deliberation because of my awful job, I returned for my Summer break and found Buddhism. I thought my return to Muscat was for Davina (see the book if it comes), but it wasn't - it was to study Buddhism and learn more about meditation - Vipassana. Now I am consolidating in Bahrain feeling spiritually maybe I need to move. This change culminated in my trip to Thailand January 2001, to a city that appears to be all that cities shouldn't be, to learn about the wonder of how people can live in such a city, to learn of temples, TO LEARN OF BUDDHISM. Check Buddhism It is now January 2004, and I have been a Buddhist for nearly three years. In that trip to Thailand I went to the Temple of the Emerald Buddha in Bangkok, and after sitting there for over an hour I had one of those deep realisations that I was a Buddhist, and as it was there in Thailand I have been a Theravadan Buddhist.
Throughout my time as a Buddhist I have learnt a great deal but the most important lesson was that of meditation practice. I have tried to develop a regular morning and evening practice of meditation which works occasionally. I am convinced of its rightness.
I am sure there is no-one except myself who is a regular follower of this homepage but for over a year now spirituality has not been present on the page. As part of my Theravadan Buddhism I went to a Forest Sangha monastery in Northumberland. At that time I redesigned the site and spirituality disappeared.
I had got confused and with the words spirit and soul not being part of the Buddhist vocabulary I had held the understanding of these but not the words, so spirituality had disappeared off my site. I have to thank Eckhart Tolle for its return.
But before I explain this I want to mention Gary Zukav. He had not been a major factor in my spiritual development but when I was so keen on Fritjov Kapra's Turning Point as well as Kapra's Tao of Physics, I also studied The Dancing Wu Li Masters. Later when I was in Africa I had read Zukav's Search for the Soul and got enthralled by his final chapter. Last year in Thailand his book "Heart of the Soul" also greatly helped. When I picked it up I thought it looked "American trendy bandwaggon rubbish" - please excuse my judgementalism. I went back to where I was staying but was dragged back by a voice to study it. Trying to explain it to others I sound like a trendy New Age American but it was a major help - I won't try to explain. It is a doing book so do it.
Part of the fun I had doing it was marrying the book with Buddhism, and when I was comfortable with that I learned a great deal. And it is this marriage that brings me to Eckhart Tolle's "Power of Now". I picked up his Practicing the Power of Now and put it down again, and Gavin then told me to read it. I listened but said that my earlier understanding of spirt and mind did not match up with Buddhism, I have been a strong critic of the power of the mind yet Buddhism asks you to focus on the mind.
Just reading the first 20 pages of the Power of Now gave me a clarity on the marriage of my history of Spirituality and Buddhism. In my ignorance I had not understood some of the approaches to mind and in so doing had rejected the words spirituality and soul, and had taken on the vocabulary of the Buddhist. Because the works are written by and for people far more advanced than I, I had developed a misunderstanding. But why isn't the spirt I was discussing/thinking about "No-Mind"? Why is not the strength of the soul Sila, and why can't I then reject the control by mind as the ego which is the identification with mind. All of this is Buddhist, hence this section Buddhism with Spirituality. Some of this is discussed in Discovering a budding Buddhist, but now this history of spirituality reappears. Thank you, Eckhart Tolle.
This next sounds terribly arrogant but it is not meant to be. I first noticed it with Pirsig, and now maybe with Eckhart Tolle but if not it doesn't matter. What is important is to understand the ego of revelation. The Lord Buddha talks about this but in other terms that I don't know, I hope I will learn from one of the many that do what he actually says. In our lives we are so lucky to have a revelation, however small. To hit a sort of bottom and then suddenly our own individual part of Buddha shows us the way through. This is so powerful, and in its wonderment we would want to stick to it and to repeat - to attach. It is so powerful we want to own it, to be it, make it the centre of our lives. For some this revelation is so powerful and so awe-inspiringly different that they are able to write books about it and to share it with others so that others can also develop. It is their willingness to share that has become this section of spirituality on my website, in a way it is my thanks to them. I remember the impact on me of Pirsig's quality, it will always be there. I am now being educated by Tolle's Power of Now, how it has crystallised my understanding of mind amidst the trees of high-powered Buddhist writings, and how it is now teaching me to end the delusion of time. I hope I learn that lesson. But I sense the presence of western education. Western education worships the individual, it controls by developing individuation. The individual then develops the ego of being trapped in the time of that individuality. Has Pirsig ended trapped in his revelation of Quality Will Tolle be trapped in his revelation of Now?
Are these great revelations? Certainly and I wish I had their knowledge and
understanding. But is that the end of their journey? Or do people become trapped in
their revelations because of economic pressure? We need to live. Do we serve tables
or do we enter the easier and more humanely powerful and rewarding profession of
writing and educating? No answer needed. But that rightful path has its pitfalls. There is
no western teaching tour to tell people that this knowledge is timeless.
Where is this leading? Sangha. The Lord Buddha gave us the blueprint but that
blueprint could easily have disappeared in the sands of time. But no it has been
preserved in the community of monks. The words are there and the understanding
exists in the community to help us through it. But western ego cannot allow for others to
be more knowledgeable.
Sadly the west can embrace spiritually powerfiul and creative books such as Pirsig and
Tolle. It can commercialise in a speaking tour but it cannot make profits out of dana. There can be no profits gained by telling people they should join a monastery, meditate and study the suttas.
At the same time the power of these revelations is that because they are so focused
they teach so well on the revelation itself. |
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Started June '98, I have used this home page as a form of life review. I have opened up about many details that I would not always discuss with many people. I have done this because I am interested in developing communication with serious people. So
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