My Duty has changed

My Duty has changed

My Centring Summer has changed me, and I haven’t come to terms with how. Almost immediately it led to a significant overt change, and that was that I resigned from the volunteer teaching. At the time I felt it was because I was too tired during the rest of the week and I wasn’t writing, this was true but it was only scratching the surface of the reasons.

It is more than two months since I resigned, and my life hasn’t settled – developed a routine. Sleep is all over the place, and in a way so am I. Basically what is my duty now, what am I doing?

The Manual is still stuck because I am. It is ch 12 on the Fourth Tetrad. It is kind of stuck in the Buddhist theory of the Fourth Tetrad – the Dhamma, Nature, Gaia consciousness, but I am not sure where it is going outside the theory. And that is kind of what this blogpost is about, what is my duty in daily life?

Outside of meditation I have recognised clinging, and this morning in meditation I felt I had to resolve duty – hence this blog, but where is it going?

I have an authenticity issue. I have thought about this before during the Centring Summer, and it is still there. I have to be who I am to the outside discerningly. My website is what I do, writer about the path, science-fiction writer, blogger – less so at the moment, and other writings. I wrote an online meditation page with distance feedback - maybe out-of-date now. Last year an exchange student worked with me. This year I have increased a facebook presence on Thay, Eckhart and Teal, and another meditation student is working with me. A spiritual teacher at last!! I say at last but I haven’t made any effort to market my writing or sell myself as a spiritual teacher. I put my blogs on Twitter with no real change, but I don’t put the blogs on facebook. I have more followers on facebook but both are double digits. Because of the data-mining I am wary of facebook, but I never look at “sponsored” even if interested and I know all the names of anything I read. I don’t know all their tricks but I think I have control.

On facebook there are a few people from my teaching past, they don’t know who I am – they would probably say I don’t know who they are; that is a fair way of looking at facebook. Who is Eckhart Tolle? Teal Swan? Thich Nhat Hanh? Spiritual teachers, the keyword being spiritual. Who am I? My meditation student would answer spiritual but how many others? I think this is an authentic issue, do I truly show who I am?

Since my Centring Summer facebook has become more important. I meet the MAWPs (Male Arrogant White Privileged - the Farangs I know where I live) less and less; I know of only one who has any sort of spiritual interest – and he doesn’t speak English. Why do I question what I show to “facebook friends”? It is not that it will make a real difference, but why? And I come up with authenticity again.

There are two other situations that I am questioning at the moment – Teal Swan and Jeff Brown. How do I deal with what I have learnt – nothing sinister or spooky or gossipy, I have examined their paths and come up with observations. What do I do with these observations? I particularly don’t want to undermine Teal Swan, and she is so good that there are already a plethora of Teal knockers. What do I do with these observations?

I spoke of the Fourth Tetrad which is concerned with Dhamma – idappaccayata; tetrads are discussed in anapanasati-bhavana - mindfulness with breathing. Understanding Dhammajati has four natures – [p28 (p29 of 161)] Ch1 Mindfulness with Breathing Venerable Buddhadasa:-

Integration (the first three tetrads of mind, feeling and body, shadow work and more) have led me to face the question of what is this Dhamma, what is nature, what do I have to do. I have always asked these questions but now it is just in terms of Dhamma – in theory at least the fourth tetrad means anicca, dukkha and anatta are understood. In reference to Dhamma what has to be done? What has to be done that is different to before?

Now I have completed the questions, what are the answers?

I am here to follow the path. I first have to understand the path so that means learning, once learned it is the natural duty to teach. Learn and teach spiritual - that is all, keep it simple. My blogs go on facebook as well as twitter. I have much to learn from Teal Swan I will do that. If I blog my purpose will be the usual, putting bones on the insight – an insight that usually comes from meditation; blogs can also be teasing out the learning. Jeff Brown – focus on the spiritual teachings and comment on his posts if appropriate. Not much difference but for me clarity.

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