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Meditation Retreats

Zandtaomed has never been on a retreat, silent or otherwise, but has always considered recommending retreats. Solitude, Viveka-Zandtao, has been part of his development so he would expect at some stage to recommend retreats. Because in his reclusive retirement he has maintained bhavana – spiritual development, he has not been on a retreat but he presumes it would have been beneficial if he had gone on a retreat, silent or otherwise. He also would see retreats as building a personal Sangha, we need the comfort of like-minded others on the path.

For a few years before he retired, he stayed at Harnham on refuge; these stays were always beneficial. On refuge there were chores in the morning, 6 o’clock rise and meditation, no eating after midday, and meditation at 6.30 pm; bill found this routine very helpful. He remembers one meditation that dragged on, and the abbot came up to him and asked him about what he had gained from the Dhamma talk and meditation – bill got the feeling the talk might have had content that the abbot thought was beneficial for bill. Bill mumbled something about being uncomfortable during the meditation, instead of listening he had been focussed on his discomfort; this is a stage meditators have to go through – training the body to meditate.

For zandtaomed’s method a key factor is the increase in time of a meditation sitting, his instruction is to set a time that the seeker wants and stick with it. Over time zandtaomed asks the seeker to increase the time, and zandtaomed’s objective would be that the seeker meditates twice a day – like he learnt at Harnham. At home zandtaomed has never consistently done twice a day, although he has done bhavana days where he has done 3 meditation sessions with a break between them.

Zandtaomed feels meditation is central to his path, feels that he is following his path, and that his path is always developing. This has happened without attending retreats.

Zandtaomed is doing the best he can to be the best he can be:-



For zandtaomed these 3-memes are an “objective” if you like, and an essential part of that “objective” is that the seeker develops a daily meditation routine that they are comfortable with and that helps their path develop under their own autonomy.

He has been listening to the FT podcast called The Retreat about Goenka retreats. Prior to this podcast zandtaomed would have recommended such a retreat, but now he is much more circumspect. A seeker has to be sufficiently trained in sitting meditation to go on a Goenka retreat, and used to retreat format.

Where bill was born was beside the sea, and his parents wisely wanted their children to learn to swim from an early age. One of bill’s very few early memories was being taught by Tony, a bear of a man – at least to bill at that time. First lesson bill went to, Tony picked him up and threw him in the water. Surprisingly bill can remember this, spluttering around in the water – struggling – and then finding a way to float. Tony would have said something like “now you can float I can teach you to swim”, and bill became a swimmer – drown or swim. His parents took his younger brother to Tony, he hated this approach and had an aversion to swimming for a while; thankfully now his brother can swim but it was an issue for a while.

This was kill-or-cure swimming, and such mentality is part of many meditation traditions; Goenka might well be considered kill-or-cure meditation. Because of the widespread use of Goenka zandtaomed assumed it was mostly cure. Christopher Titmuss in a newsletter said “Over the years as a Dharma teacher, I had my ears burnt listening to distressing stories of the horror these courses inflicted on certain vulnerable people.” It was from Christopher Titmuss that zandtaomed learned of the FT podcasts, and this URL linking to the 4 podcasts comes from that newsletter.

As a meditation adviser zandtaomed is always concerned that a seeker has help available – “distance advising”. Developing a meditation process does present the risk of a seeker opening trauma, in fact any process of integration eventually requires a seeker to integrate their shadow and therefore face personal trauma. Zandtaomed wants that process to be gentle and at the seeker’s pace and autonomy. When zandtaomed listens to the criticisms of Goenka he feels that there are pressures on participants that work against autonomy. If a seeker is choosing Goenka, do be careful.

One Goenka attendee felt that she had to attend the 10 days, and this perhaps contributed to her problems. Whilst all retreats are voluntary – some paid for, there are pressures from within the retreat program for them to be completed. During the retreat the ego will put pressure on the seeker to flee, and will make it difficult for the seeker to continue. It is a genuine part of the learning process to overcome such ego. But zandtaomed would always argue for autonomy, approach the retreat as wanting to complete the required programme but if autonomy says leave get up and leave. Maybe the seeker is not ready for the intensity of that particular programme. Maintain your autonomy and agency, if you want to leave leave. Zandtaomed suspects that a good retreat would have counselling available that would help seekers through difficulties and help a seeker make a choice as to whether to continue. Zandtaomed cannot imagine anything more frightening than to be in silence for 10 days against your will, this is imprisoning. Equally zandtaomed cannot imagine anything more liberating than successfully completing a 10-day silent retreat.

Now zandtaomed would like to talk about vipassana – insight meditation – to bring some clarity to what Vipassana is after listening to the podcasts. It is zandtaomed’s limited understanding that vipassana is the meditation technique the Buddha spoke about. Whether it is or not the Buddha did not speak of any particular Vipassana teaching methodology as far as zandtaomed knows. If the Goenka tradition presents their methodology as that of the Buddha’s that would be a misrepresentation. The podcaster suggests that was the case but she might not have been clear or have other motives. Zandtaomed’s advice is based on Buddhadasa’s anapanasati bhavana – Mindfulness with Breathing, this method is described by Buddhadasa as Vipassana; zandtaomed is happy to call his own meditation as a form of Vipassana. But meditation approach and teaching methodology are not the same thing, Goenka’s 10-day retreat is not a requirement for a seeker to develop Vipassana. Learning Vipassana does not have to be drown or swim.

Proviso - In the following discussion in which zandtaomed raises questions of societal mental health, he is not saying that the people in the FT podcasts have mental health problems. What arises in meditation is so complex, and even working one-one cannot always be understood.

When we talk about meditation problems it is important to have an understanding of the background situation. When we consider mindfulness per se this background situation is not always presented. We live in a society corrupted by patriarchy, and as a result of that corruption there is increasing mental illness. For zandtaomed the path is what nature is asking us to follow, and this path is very different to the way we live in society. For zandtaomed indigenous cultures (to a far greater extent than normal society) are following nature’s path, yet how different are those cultures from the ways of “normal society”. At a young adult age bill rejected normal society, and has lived his life on the borders of what is considered normal and successful; he is used to it – he has lived his life on the edge of what is normal and what is true.

When a seeker is looking for the path s/he is not looking for the normal, they are looking for what is natural and true; natural and normal are very different. Conditioning wants them to accept what is normal, in this scenario parents and the podcaster could be considered as representing what is normal. In their daily lives normal people have accepted the corrupt society as their norm – their way of life. Such people have difficulty accepting that what is natural and true is not the normal that they participate in. Conditioning forces tend to act as a magnet trying to bring seekers back to the normal. Such forces have always done this with zandtaomed when he speaks of what is natural and true, there can be a bias no matter how transparent people might appear to be.

Seekers following a Goenka retreat are taking a drastic step of non-conformity in their efforts to find what Goenka considered is natural and true; whatever happens on those retreats there is a systemic conditioning that wants to reject what is taught. In general seekers going on retreats are fundamentally rejecting the norm of society – rejecting patriarchy - imperialist, white-supremacist, capitalist patriarchy. For years of conditioning and upbringing in society such rejection of the norm will have created shadow in their psyche as the young agreed to follow what parents and society asked of them. Unless such shadow has previously been integrated then on an intense Goenka retreat that shadow is likely to be confronted, and such confrontation can be powerful. Given the distance between what is the norm and what is natural and true, it is not surprising that seekers confronting that shadow have intense experiences. As zandtaomed said above, in the traditions such shadows have been confronted, and it is generally seen that such confrontations have been beneficial. Maybe Goenka is too extreme in the way it creates these confrontations, and perhaps even more so in its pressures and lack of counselling. But what we have to understand is that with the increasing impact of patriarchy the distance from nature is widening and the confrontations of integrating shadow have to be more severe.

Within spirituality as exemplified by ASI there are moves towards understanding this increasing trauma. Some spiritual speakers talk of a developing mental health crisis as a consequence of increasing patriarchy – or however they phrase it. On Goenka retreats some seekers have had extreme reactions, are we aware of these because of increased communication or because of the increasing “unnaturalness” of the norm of society?

When we consider these podcasts, we need to consider two avenues of thought. The first is summed up by the advice of staggering retreats I gave above, don’t assume we can go full-on meditation without training the mind. Secondly we need to recognise the increasing impact of patriarchy and the way it is moving the norm of society away from nature. We need to see this source of the increasing mental illness; rather than condemn methods that attempt to help seekers find what is natural and true, work with them for improvement. Why is the FT highlighting this Goenka problem now? Is it on the increase now? Is it on the increase because there are more people turning to it as part of this mental illness iceberg? Do we need to look at what is termed mental health and start to recognise that we are burying so much trauma by adhering to the norm of society – of patriarchy?

Please note again, zandtaomed is not describing those who have struggled with Goenka as having mental health problems.

Like Christopher Titmuss zandtaomed is concerned about the intensity of Goenka retreats and the pressures placed on seekers. But the far more significant problem is the increased trauma and mental illness arising within patriarchy. That is a far more serious problem than disparaging Goenka as a cult. Help the seekers by reducing the conditions that are causing mental illness.

Postscript This is a quote from the 2nd podcast. Reporter "Willoughby told me I should think of meditation as a form of cortical arousal, something that stimulates the brain almost like a drug." Yet here is Willoughby presenting some data to HHDL, and she was originally part of Mind and Life. Willoughby's background is MSBR - look at this research page. HHDL immediately countered with broader Buddhist umbrella.

This is a minefield that zandtaomed does not want to get drawn into beyond offering the above advice. Take your time developing your meditation, train your mind to do meditation slowly, maybe you don't need the big retreats but do them when you are ready. Make sure your meditation has a sound knowledge background to it. Doing meditation to fix your health is unbalanced, meditation is for your spiritual path; listen to HHDL's reaction.

Initially zandtaomed thought the reporter was transparent. Was she misrepresenting Willoughby? Maybe she is just a reporter wanting to make a name as a cult-exposer? The FT reporter who exposed Goenka. Zandtaomed takes his concern more from Christopher Titmuss, and is grateful that he will not fall into a retreat trap.

Be advised, take your retreat slow. Maybe avoid retreats if you can't do two sessions a day. Meditation is good but it is not the path - just do the best you can to follow your path.