Several things came together:– a Teal comment about ego and personality, lifelong Sacred Wounds, role of khandhas; these things have led to a review of ego perception. To come to that clarity zandtao now NEEDS the computer to work through the insight – frightening. Blogs were putting the bones on an insight but in his mind today zandtao could not clarify this insight without writing – frightening.
There is a sense of timelessness in some egos yet this timelessness has to be seen in terms of anicca ie nothing is permanent. As humans we invest a lifetime-timelessness into some of our egos, and these lifetime-timeless egos are khandhas. Our bodies change throughout our lives yet there is a sense of “my body”, similarly a sense of “my vedana”, “my sanna” and “my mind” and all are given a current sense through “my consciousness”. Because it is “my” it is ego, yet without ego where is the person? There is just Source-consciousness left – timeless Source. Autonomy is timeless Source so there is timelessness as we develop our paths, but in a life this timeless autonomy is made solid by ego. There needs to be some solid ego, or there is no life form – no person. And this solid ego is called khandha.
From birth we add consciousness to form egos, and understanding the nature of these egos is important. We can live our lives mostly as egoic-consciousness – what zandtao (Buddhists) calls conditioning, but there is always an element of Source-consciousness otherwise there is no lifeform. The path is simply “increasing” Source-consciousness, making Source-consciousness active – mindfully conscious - autonomy, following the path develops this autonomy and releases the attachment to conditioned egos of upbringing and daily life.
But there are always khandhas in our lifetimes – even though they change, and we limit the consciousness attached to khandhas so that we can “increase” Source-consciousness – develop autonomy. Khandhas as personality change as we develop autonomy but there are always some egos that we keep as a lifeform. But khandhas are egos so there is a natural confusion, which egos as khandhas do we give consciousness to? And which egos do we let go to develop autonomy?
So there appears to be a permanent sense of khandhas that is the bill-zandtao lifeform, these khandhas change during life eg “my body changes”, “my personality changes” but there always appears a permanent sense. Zandtao has just crossed the threshold of autonomy, and this is hugely “important” for zandtao yet people he has known simply perceive the “permanent shell of khandha egos” that has always been bill.
Bill has khandhas that are observed. From the perspective of other people bill grows older, and because we all grow older there is a commonality to this ageing - changing khandhas so other people eg family see bill growing older but still being bill. So whilst bill has released so many egos and has developed autonomy there are still the changing khandha egos that are commonly-perceived as bill. When Neil visits he will see this commonly-perceived bill, and will not see that so much of the ego that made up bill when Neil last met him 20 years ago has been released. For Neil there is no zandtao there is bill-20, yet for zandtao the egos of “bill-20” have almost completely released; this is just life as neil perceives - life on the path for zandtao.
So we each have khandhas, life-egos that change and grow and are commonly-perceived as growing old and die – bill. From birth we build up self-esteem to survive in society. This self-esteem is the collection of egos that is conditioned but enables success in society, it is the conditioned life that essentially marries, works, grows old and dies - it is the conditioned life that lives – the self that is self-esteem is the personality (collection of egos) that lives life. Yet to follow the path much of this self-esteem needs to be released to enable autonomy, and this is difficult for so many people as it seems that they are letting go of their lives. But they are not they are just letting go of the self-esteem that they built up to survive society, but how many choose to do that?
For bill there was no choice as his upbringing did not give him that self-esteem so he started on the path at upheaval. In a sense he built up a self (self-esteem) during his 2nd childhood to survive as a teacher in society but because he had started on the path the typical conditioned life was lost to bill so as bill-on-the-path grew towards autonomy bill-IDL (bill in daily life) grew older as a teacher and was attributed as having the “normal” characteristics of growing older. People perceived bill-IDL as growing older in a common sense.
Now enters Sacred Wounds. For most people Sacred Wounds amounts to a description of their societal presence. A person is born into a community to a mother and father, they live a conditioned life (through their khandhas) in that community having a wife, children, job etc. This is the life led through self-esteem. For a conditioned description of life there are no apparent Sacred Wounds. But from a spiritual point of view we choose our path, we choose our parents, we choose our community, we choose as our duty the egoic consciousness that we will consciously evolve, we choose our Sacred Wounds. In the same way as we have permanent khandhas we have egos arising from our Sacred Wounds that have this permanent sense.
Sacred Wounds provide permanent egos in the same way as khandhas do. We develop characteristics/egos from our parents, and some of these egos are with us all our lives. For the conditioned with self-esteem this is “happy”. As children we are “happy” in the family, we live our lives close to our extended family, extending that family in a conditioned way. There is limited spiritual awareness, no recognition of Sacred Wounds, no consciousness being evolved. But the Sacred Wounds have egos, and the pain that is those Sacred Wounds is part of those conditioned lives. For spiritual people they follow the path to end that suffering, they integrate their Sacred Wounds, and follow their paths to autonomy. This is the peace and happiness of the path – integrating Sacred Wounds. The seeker learns about the path, heals Sacred Wounds, evolves consciousness, and is happy. The conditioned person with normal “happiness” lives within the suffering of patriarchy growing old normally.
Sacred Wounds have the same “permanence” as khandhas, egos that arise from Sacred Wounds are “permanently present” unless released in much the same way as the egos of self-esteem are “permanently present” unless released. However Sacred Wounds have pain, there is dukkha (1st Noble Truth), there is the pain that arises from choosing our parents, and then there is the pain that arises from choosing our race gender and community or class. There is all this dukkha that conditioned lives accept but spiritual people recognise as Sacred Wounds and try to integrate leading to happiness. If the pain of the Sacred Wounds is not released it is always there creating suffering. For zandtao this pain showed as numbness when young, and even though there was upheaval that pain became addiction to alcohol and then addiction to warts’n’all. Throughout his life zandtao has dealt to some extent with these Sacred Wounds but it is a "permanent ego like a khandha". Zandtao now perceives his Sacred Wounds as a khandha, consciousness chooses khandhas, karma chooses Sacred Wounds, and we spiritually release egos that attach to both unnaturally. Can we ever end the pain of Sacred Wounds?
Above:- “If the pain of the Sacred Wounds is not released it is always there creating suffering.” Zandtao mentioned his own numbness and addictions, but they have far wider implications in psychiatry and well-being. Thinking of Ruby Wax and Alex Scott makes this clearer. Ruby has experienced depression throughout her life, and in her book she talks of being treated for it by a psychiatrist who is looking at her childhood with her. Alex Scott was described as a functional depressive and in her book she describes her early childhood family home that gave rise to her depression; however the impact on her was more clearly indicated by this youtube video. They are receiving professional help in dealing with their Sacred Wounds, but at no time was the term Sacred Wound mentioned. From a spiritual point of view if the trauma from Sacred Wounds has not been addressed there must be issues of suffering. For well-being recognition of Sacred Wounds as purpose might aid in the need to address childhood trauma but zandtao is unaware of how well-being is addressed in clinical psychiatry.
What is of greater concern is the well-being movement or those with “normal conditioning”. For such people Sacred Wounds will cause trauma but that trauma might not be recognised as such because of the lack of acceptance of the Sacred Wounds khandha. This becomes an issue for seekers because it is the intention of Sacred Wounds to initially create that trauma in the family home. So whilst parents have the conditioned intention of care, within the family home is the spiritual development of Sacred Wounds and their trauma. How often do we see in cult representation in the media the return of the seeker to the love of the family home, and in that conditioning media a complete lack of understanding of the trauma that is caused in the family home - because parental intention is caring. Without an understanding of the spiritual path and Sacred Wounds how can conditioned parents be any different.
It is evidently possible to initially bury trauma, and in terms of the mindfulness movement such burying might lead to sufficient well-being; but this is not stable. A seeker follows a spiritual path that includes awareness of trauma – Nicola’s trauma and awakening, and a spiritual path hopefully would include a conscious understanding of Sacred Wounds - at least family trauma however caring the upbringing.
For all people there are 2 Sacred Wounds – patriarchy and the lack of love, this is quite simply because over recent generations there has been a developing patriarchy and therefore an increasing lack of love as patriarchy and love are inimical. This wound is a severe problem that causes conflict because societal conditioning is patriarchal and therefore restricts love. From birth Sacred Wounds and patriarchy are in conflict, and this has to show as some level of trauma.
Given he is now starting on an understanding of a holy journey then he is going to place Sacred Wounds within that journey. To follow the journey there needs to be a vehicle – vihara – 4 khandhas. The evolving of consciousness requires the integration of zandtao’s Sacred Wounds. Autonomy drives the vihara on the holy journey of integrating the holy khandha – zandtao’s Sacred Wounds.
An aspect of soul is this Holy khandha. It is where zandtao has felt soul in the tan tien or at least the source of soul - creativity is the guys and they don't arrive from soul. Soul is an avoided word in Buddhism, and zandtao does not know of any discussion of something akin to Holy khandha. The problem for soul in Buddhism is anatta character of Buddhism and the core belief of many Buddhists - reincarnation. For most Buddhists reincarnation is this belief, and having beliefs is ditthupadana. What is reborn? Not only is reincarnation an issue for anatta it is also an issue for the kalama sutta - it's not real if you haven't experienced it. For zandtao that is not an issue for the Holy khandha, his mindfulness has recognised the experience of it as Holy khandha - he has always experienced it. For zandtao Sacred Wounds as Holy khandha - as soul - is all now clear. The soul is the wound that has to be experienced to consciously evolve consciousness - Eckhart's 2nd mystery.
Zandtao uses the words "aspect of soul". Zandtao has no issue interchanging soul, soul wounds, Sacred Wounds, Holy khandha but this soul does not transmigrate - for zandtao; this is the clarity of anatta. For bill soul was creativity, this has changed because creativity is part of autonomy - it is Source. In a new life karma imprints the soul - the Sacred Wounds that are integrated to consciously evolve consciousness. Is karma more than this - a different/additional question?
There is also a recognition of the Holy journey. There are then questions connecting Holy journey, Sacred Wounds and the path. This recognition has just started beginning with Nicola’s Unleashing Love.
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