Prajna-reflections

Dr. ANITA Phillips Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Good evening good evening. I’m so excited to be here to talk to you about probably my favorite thing to talk about which is the emotional and mental health particularly the body of Christ. …. It matters that we're well, it matters that we're well, as we're striving to walk in the purpose that God's called us to and live the abundant life that he's called us to.

[0.36] That abundant life is internal first. It's internal first right. We want to prosper as our soul prospers right, so it's internal first. It's us first, and a lot of times we just don't know what to do with it so we just skip over it and keep going. But not tonight, not tonight, amen.

So let's pray father. We thank you, I thank you for this gathering of your children, your sons and your daughters who you know so well. Father we just take a moment to open ourselves up to be seen for our hearts to be heard. We're not hiding from you tonight, holy ghost. [1.20] We're going to touch our own pain, and we're going to allow you to touch it. Because we know that healing is in your touch, guidance is in your touch, understanding and clarity is in your touch. So we open ourselves to you first and most of all because we don't have to be afraid of you, God. We trust you. Father God, I thank you that each person is trusting their neighbor tonight, that nobody shuts down internally because they don't want what's in them to fall out, because they don't want their neighbor to see that tear roll down their face, because they know that if they don't clasp their hands as tight as they are right now someone might see the anxiety that's shaking their body. We're choosing not to hide tonight because it's exhausting and we don't want to anymore, and because when we're weak you're strong, [2.16] and because we have this power in earthen vessels, and when we admit that we're earthen we just give more glory to you. [2.28] So help us as we vulnerably move out of the way to let your power show through in Jesus name, amen, amen.

You can be seated, you can be seated. I’m definitely on assignment tonight and I don't know how God's gonna do it. I might talk to you just like this the whole time, I might start preaching who knows. I don't have that kind of plan, but I know that God sent me here on assignment for you and for your families; that fell on my heart very strongly on the plane.

z- sister story

I want to share a little more in detail story about my family which I don't always do in detail, but I felt very led to do that tonight. Because of that I know that God wants to touch you, but he also wants to touch your families. When I was seven years old, I was sharing a bedroom with my older sister. It was the perfect room, we had our twin beds - they were white; all the furniture was white. We had this raggedy Ann and Andy clock that I loved anybody old enough to remember raggedy Ann and Andy that I loved and when the alarm went off it would say um raggedy anne raggedy am wake up wake up and I looked forward to that every morning my sister loved me she cornrowed my hair and picked out my clothes and cooked food for me and we were very close and she was my safe space and that was our room and one night in the pitch dark of night my sister sat straight up in her bed blood curdling screams coming out of her mouth she was staring at the bedroom door and I snatched out of my sleep and I don't know what's going on and I said valerie what is it what is it and she said there's a demon in the door there's a demon standing in the door well I’m terrified now too but I peek around and I don't see it but she clearly sees it and she's screaming and she's screaming she's now 12 years old at that time now I’m pentecostal I don't know what y'all call it around here charismatics word of faith but I’m pentecostal I grew up in the church of God in christ if anybody's ever heard of that that's right coach my parents are still pastors in the church of God in christ 45 years and so I know something about spiritual warfare and I knew something at seven I knew that the holy oil was under the kitchen sink I knew how to plead the blood of Jesus I knew that if a demon was loosed that you casted him out and you told him to go and roam in a dry place and that he could not come back I knew that at seven so now though as a terrified little girl with a demon in the door and my sister screaming I didn't know what to do so I figured well if I wait I know my dad is going to hear her you know our bedroom was on the top floor and her and we were on the top floor my parents bedroom was on the first floor so I knew he would eventually hear her and he would come and he would rescue us and whatever was going on but it just every scream just felt like was slicing through my body it was so awful and so I had a choice to make at seven years old I don't see the demon but have no reason to believe it's not there because I know they exist so what do I do so I said a prayer and I pledge the blood of Jesus over myself and I ran through the door luckily as I got through the door my father was already coming he met me in the hallway coming that way and he was able to hold her and we all prayed and my mom came and we all prayed and she had her eyes closed and then finally she opened one eye and she looked at the door she said the demon was gone eventually we all got back to sleep but about two weeks later she woke up again screaming screaming and I curled under the blanket and I cried a little and it's just so horrifying I was so afraid but I would I would eventually get myself together and i'd run through that door every time but then a couple weeks later and then one week after that and then a month quiet and then again it didn't stop and this is confusing to us because if there's a demon to be cast out we knew how to do that people came to our house to be delivered to go through deliverance anybody know deliverance were anybody still talking about that stuff yeah people came to our house they made appointments for my mom and her crew when you was real serious about you really wanted some Jesus you came to see shirley graham that's my mom you came to see evangelist graham they'll take you down in that basement you come up a new person from the basement let me tell you something about that okay so there's no reason why a demon should be able to live in our house and certainly not torment a 12 year old some people say well maybe she's just a spiritual gift and she's able to see into the spirit realm well why would the lord torment a 12 year old that doesn't make sense why would we call that a gift so many explanations that didn't match the character of God you have to never allow yourself to absorb an explanation to a question that doesn't match the character of God it's better not to have an answer than to accept an answer that goes against the character of God and so we didn't have an answer and after about a year it seemed to fade out and she started having other problems her temper was terrible she was mean she was not nice to me anymore just it was like some light went out inside of her she started dabbling marijuana a little bit and get in trouble in school and so then now you know my parents are going to respond to that like parents of that generation are going to respond so she's being punished for that in all the ways but she's not getting better so we can't cast the demon out the rod of correction is not driving it out nothing is happening and she's slipping away from us and then one fall my father was away at a conference in november national convocation for the church of God in christ and he was at the convocation and my sister went down in the basement to do some laundry and my grandmother was down there and they got into some kind of argument and next thing we know she's screaming I’m going to kill you I’m going to kill you my mom opened the basement door my sister was down there with an ax in her hand declaring she was going to cut off grandma's head my mom ran up the steps every time my grandmother would say and Jesus for Jesus sake valerie she said don't say Jesus don't stop saying that stop and she had all kind of weaponry and so my mom ran up the steps and she closed the basement door and put the chain lock on the door and I was just a little girl I had shampoo in my hair my mom was washing my hair when it all started I’m standing in my pajamas with shampoo dripping down my face and I remember my sister coming to the top of the steps and she went to open the door and the door got jammed by the chain and she was there and she looked right at me she said let me out open the door and I said no can you gonna you're gonna hurt us and she said let me out I’m not gonna hurt you I said I can't do it and so she said okay but when I get out I’m going to kill you too and I just stood there i'll never forget that moment the police came the ambulance came eventually I got her took her to the hospital and that's the first time that my sister saw a mental health professional the years would go by before we really understood that my sister had a disorder that we call schizophrenia which means that she would hear voices that nobody else heard she would see things that other people didn't see the brain is broken and powerful but she ended up addicted to drugs for most of her life at the time that she went to the hospital pediatric psychiatry was a very new field this is the early 80s and she didn't get the help that she needed she ended up being addicted to drugs heavily for 30 years which was most of our lifetime overlap together she got off drugs when she was about 41. um gave her life to the lord once more which he had done many times my sister was on drugs living on streets doing the things that you do to survive on the streets she would earn money prostitution drug sales whatever all the things you do she would call my dad from a pay phone to come and get her tithes she knew the lord but she was tormented because she was ill and so when she was finally able to get herself clean that last time on the drugs and her mind was able to get cleared up and she got mental health treatment and she got counseling and she got medication she got married to an incredible man who just adored her and we saw her have just the joy of the lord for that last seven years of her life but her body was so damaged 30 years on the streets the drugs had damaged her she had been attacked once she was once attacked on the street raped and beaten so badly she was in a hospital for three months in another city as a jane doe when she came out of the coma she was able to tell them who she was and we were able to get to her her hands were cut up just she injured so many injuries she had those joyous end years but she died at 47 a year younger than I am now because her body was just so broken one of the things that she told me before she died and we had many conversations that I’m so grateful for because at the time as a child I didn't understand any of this except that valerie's always in trouble valerie's always a problem valerie's always run away from home valerie's messing with drugs and so the house is chaotic and I would be glad when she ran away like I come home from school and it's like valerie ran away again and I would be like yes because it was so much chaos in the house and when she was gone it would be quiet so for me as a kid it was just like the problem is not here but we had so many conversations that were healing in those last years of her life i'll never forget one of the things that she said to me she said she only took drugs in the beginning because nothing else made the voices stop she had been hearing those voices since she was about five years old we didn't know and so she said I didn't mean to get addicted just the voices she heard voices so young on through her life from so young on to her life she told me I thought everybody heard them I just thought mine were meaner than others I didn't mean to get addicted and when I hear that now when I look every time I hear that I just I see a little girl you're like a little kid who broke something and you find them and they're standing there it's broken and they're just like I didn't mean to that's what I hear because something did get broken so how do we deal with this what do we do because I’m not the only person in this room with a family member who's ill I’m not the only person in this room who grew up with a family member who was mentally ill maybe it was your sibling maybe it was your mother maybe it was your father maybe it's your child and you don't know what to do and maybe they're addicted and really it's because they have an illness that's untreated 85 percent of people with terrible addictions are struggling with some mental illness depression anxiety bipolar disorder schizophrenia we all the depression anxiety we're all willing to talk about but God told me to talk about the hard stuff tonight we've gotten used to those depression anxiety words we're good with that but that's schizophrenia that's psychotic disorder that bipolar disorder oh no that would that must be the devil anybody have a cold in the last year anybody get the flu now that was the devil too because what we have to understand is that these bodies are broken ah let's see who's been saved the longest in here who thinks they might have known Jesus the longest in this room they're like I don't want to answer because I don't know what she's going to say who thinks they might have the longest one who's been saved for more than 25 years shoot i've been saying more than 25 years who's been saved for more than 40 years ooh 40 plus years with Jesus come on one two three all right let me tell my 40 plus years with Jesus I’m not going to ask if you did any backsliding along the way but just you know 40 plus years of Jesus y'all broke up got that together it doesn't matter [15.24] 40 plus years Have you yet reached your incorruptable body? No you're still going to die or going to rapture one day. Well when do we get the incorruptable body, because when we get saved aren't we supposed to get our bodies - are not supposed to do anything again, never get sick again, live forever like eden was supposed to be. Isn't that what happens? No so as long as you have this body that's fallen, it's going to do stuff, sometimes it does stuff with flus and colds, sometimes there's cancers and diabetes, and sometimes there's thoughts and emotions there; it's all coming from the same place.

[16.12] So the first thing I want to do tonight is correctly define what we call mental illness and physical illness. There is no difference in source. We talk about them like the physical illness came from my body but the mental illness came from somewhere else. I’m imagining it, it's descended upon me, I’m making it up. No the only difference between a physical illness and a mental illness are the symptoms of the illness, all the illnesses come from the body because dead people don't get any. Dead people don't have them. I have never had a client call me from the cemetery, I've never had a call, I've never been referred to row 17f; I've never been referred.

[17.00] The body is the only reason that we have life as humans; it's the reason we have joy, is the reason we laugh, is the reason we have fun, but it's also the reasons that we get sick. When we get bodily sicknesses like in our tissues in our cells that we can see and touch and that have symptoms that are largely from the pain receptors in our bodies, [17.20] we call those physical illnesses; and the doctors have all those in a book and they use those to write their diagnoses. They put that on your insurance, when you get something they write the insurance code - that's what they do.

[17.30] Well there's this other book. It's called the diagnostic statistical manual of mental disorders, and in that book we have all the diagnoses for illnesses that show up in your emotions, your thoughts and your behaviors. That's the only difference, not where the illness comes from but where it shows up. That's a real whole another way to think, right? It's going to take a minute, some of y'all go home tonight and say I don't believe her, but think about this. I’m telling you. I’m Dr Anita Phillips. I’m telling you that the only difference is where it shows up, not where it comes from. Thinking that the difference is where it comes from is what has us all messed up, because you think that the mental illness is coming from the outside. Then you're doing like spiritual ninja work, and I ain't saying you shouldn't do spiritual ninja work. But how many people have any kind of painkiller on them right now? Aspirin? If you got a headache right now, what's the chances that you would be like looking for some water and pop it in your mouth? You would be like “oh God in the name of Jesus I bind this headache, I don't need no excedrin; God is a healer”. Not a one, you got it in your purse now - no spiritual ninja. When it comes to mental illness and medication, when people sometimes need that - they don't always need that, my thing is like I have no problem with you believing that God can heal you without that medication but give me that Excedrin. Because if you're only believing God against the mental stuff and not the physical stuff, then I’m wondering if there's a fear difference here. I’m afraid to deal with the mental stuff, but I got the handle on this physical; you're with me?

Okay so some of this is just fixing our minds. [19.16] In Eden there was a problem, a wrong decision was made, our bodies changed and now as Christians we are working towards that restoration. But our bodies will still do things. Has anybody ever woken up from a dream and felt like they weren't sure if they were asleep or awake? Has anybody ever tried to wake up and couldn't? Like you're in the dream, you know it, but you can't wake up? Has anybody ever had a dream that was so real like the next day you had to be like was that real or not real?

Well if your brain is that powerful when you're sleeping, for people who are struggling with severe mental illnesses it's just a little tweak. My brain's doing it when I’m awake instead of only when I’m asleep; you know your brain can do it. Have you ever had a dream where you literally woke up it was like someone was talking right here and you're like oh I was dreaming okay your brain is powerful enough to do that we've all had those experiences but when it messes up and does it awake that's that's a higher level challenge imagine being trapped in your nightmare my sister was trapped in her nightmare the voice is the scary nightmare dream and the things you heard and thing in your nightmare she was trapped during the day it's the only difference none of it's not like that over there and this over there it's all just on a continuum if this is health and this is illness we're all floating around somewhere here in the middle same with physical health right who's in 100 perfect physical health right now I mean you are just a beast there's just everything is correct nobody right somewhere we're all around and some of y'all live closer to that end than I do you know but it's the same thing with our mental health what's going on with our thinking and our feeling and our doing is the same now all of that makes perfect sense to you but I’m going to take you to a scripture because I believe the word speaks to everything the bible speaks to everything and one of the things that was always a question for us my mom was just like I know at some point she was able to say I know there's something else going on with valerie that's not entirely a spiritual attack but i'd still want to know what my bible says about it and so I made that been my life work lord I want to know too I want to know why what cost my family these years my childhood trauma I got my own room about five years after my sister's hallucinations first started it was the same bedroom but she had she got married young and had left home and so the room became my room and the first thing I did was close the door yeah I couldn't sleep in a bedroom with the door open until I was 28 years old that's how traumatizing that was for me I couldn't go to sleep I had to close the door because it just if I woke in the middle and I saw that open door I would just get a cold just a streak through my body so I just said close the door so trauma hits everybody wasn't just her changed all of our lives and I wanted to understand God what has happened romans chapter 7 romans chapter 7 and I want to give you guys some chance to ask some questions tonight but I see my little timer click clicking so we shall see romans chapter 7 let's begin at we know this chapter real well it's the chapter where paul is saying uh when I try to do good I don't do good what I want to do I don't do when I don't want to do that much I do when I try to do good I end up doing evil it escapes me y'all know that what I’m talking about um we can start at uh 15.

[24.14] Romans Ch 7.15 “For that which I do I allow not, for what I would that I do not, but what I hate that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is in my flesh) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would do not but the evil which I would not that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man, but I see another law where in my members - if you're reading the King James it says in my members if you're in the NIV it'll say in me but that word members is very important - warring against the law of my mind and then what does that law and his members do - bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me from this body of death?”

[24.19] Now let's think about this because a lot of times we don't look at people in the bible as human beings. This is Paul, Damascus road “Saul to Paul” Paul, wrote two-thirds of the new testament Paul; that's this Paul. He's saying that I’m having a war in my members, that word members literally means body parts. When he says something's going on in my flesh he's not talking about our spiritual word that you in the flesh - he's not talking about that, he's talking about his flesh - the body. He said there's something going on in my body, it's warring against my mind and winning. It says it brings me into captivity, and he's not reporting a one-time thing. He's talking about an ongoing issue. In my inward man I serve the lord, but this other law in my members is warring against my mind and it brings me into captivity. I submit to you that this is the biblical definition of mental distress and illness; because when your body wars your mind and wins, your mind and your brain are not the same thing. I’m a say that again cause y'all are really contemplating that. Your mind and your brain are not the same things. Your brain is a member. So he's saying my body is fallen, there's a law in my member. See there's sin, there's acts of sin.

There are people over the years. My friend, good friend here tonight came to see me. Hi danny. She's a therapist and we know each other from way back. People come to see you, I’m sure as well, they have come to see me because they are committing an act that they consider a sin and they can't seem to stop; they're very distressed about it. Sometimes people come for that reason, sometimes people come to see me because they have suffered the consequences of somebody else's sin. Sin brings everybody into my office. Okay sometimes it's I can't stop smoking, I can't stop watching the porn, I can't stop sleeping with this person, I can't stop using these drugs, I can't sleep, I can't stop do whatever. They have tried and they feel conflicted and all of the things, but they haven't been able to do it. They come to see me because the fruit of their behavior is not acceptable to them but they're so desperate.

But then some people come because of the consequence of sin. Someone sexually abused them, someone assaulted them, they are in a violent relationship, their child was taken, anything that someone else did, and it has hurt them so much that they now need help to heal. It wasn't their fault, it's the consequence of someone else's sin.

Then there's a third type of sin – sinfulness. That's the thing in our body that since Adam and Eve made that poor decision and we fell. We're messy, that's my official diagnosis we're messy. So our bodies do things. Sometimes we're more anxious than we want to be, or our stomach gets tight and we got to run to the bathroom before our work presentation because we're nervous. That's your fallen body doing things.

So Paul saying that my body is warring against my mind and sometimes my body is winning. I do not believe that Paul was talking about committing an act of sin because first of all how much sinning could Paul have been doing? Let's think about this. In Philippians 3 5 and 6 Paul says that he was impeccable in his behavior, he said that as a Jew touching the law – blameless, touching the righteousness that it was in the law he said he was blameless, that means he broke no rules. So how does Paul go from a pharisee who broke no rules to partying? what sin is he committing how did that happen he he was he was perfectly behaved and now after Jesus knocks him off his horse he's blind he gets diverted all this stuff he is the he is like essentially the replacement of judas he's the 12th apostle he's he's hot now he's being beaten he's standing up for the lord he's doing all these things he never broke a rule and now he out here like shooting up or sleeping around like that's hard for me to believe it makes no sense I believe that paul's battle was internal I believe that it was I believe he was anxious and that's why he wrote about anxiety I believe that he was very stressed because he did not commit acts of sin but he was in a wrestling match with his body all the time has anybody ever wrestled with their own body to do what you wanted to do or not do what you didn't want to do some of us wrestle and lose against cheesecake regularly regularly but you're looking down your nose at someone who can't get off heroin you can't get off cheesecake am I wrong some of our problem with mental health and in church and mental illness that we are judgmental and we don't see ourselves some of you have been trying to take some small change some small small non-destructive change for years and we still are unhealthily overweight or eating the wrong stuff or staying up too late watching tv whatever little stuff that we could be better and we still haven't pulled it off and someone is addicted to something that has changed the chemistry of their brain and we're just like they just don't want to be better they just actually just want to be in those streets what what we're a little judgmental aren't we the bible says if you're not faithful over little things you won't be faithful over much you're not even faithful over cheesecake God help you if you get addicted to drugs so some of our stuff is just a little judgmental so paul is struggling with this internal thing I also believe that it was anxiety for another reason thorns when adam and eve fell the ground changed that ground is representative of our bodies we were made from the ground and the ground gave up thorns and then we see those same thorns in matthew chapter 13 and the parable the sower Jesus talks about the thorny ground everything that happened in the fall to the ground is in the parable the sower yeah let's have a little bible fun genesis chapter one remember on the day he made the plants I know you about to say on the day I thought I was gonna say on the day you made man right because we're so focused on ourselves this is another reason why we don't understand God when we try to understand us we go straight to genesis 1 26 but why don't we go to one one if we don't understand how God and who he is as creator we're not concerned about that just about us but anyway if we're going back to genesis 1 and we get down to the first life he ever created it was plants and he had three kinds of plants grass herb-bearing seed which were like crops and fruit trees three plants all growing from the same ground and he had called that ground what good now adam and eve fall the seed I believe the seed from the tree of knowledge of good and evil when it fell into the ground it changed the ground now the ground is cursed it's barren no more grass in your sweat of your brow adam you will bake bread which means you'll have to grow this stuff and then grind it into bread it's going to be hard to grow so there go my herb-bearing seed plants my crops and we know what happened to the tree because they ate the wrong one and the bible says that the ground stopped giving fruit it started giving thorns and thistles now we get to the parable to sell where instead of three good plants growing in one land we see that same ground we see wayside soil barren nothing's growing we see a plant try to grow in the heat in the sweaty weather and the sweat of his brow kind of grow and it dies in the sun and we see a tree try to grow but what happens thorns choke it that peril of the sower is going taking us back to what happened at the fall Jesus has given us insight into the fall and then what does Jesus say those thorns represent the cares and anxieties of this world and then Jesus dies on the cross for us and what does he but a crown of thorns pressed into his head he died for your anxiety that's why he had a crowd of thorns on his head and then after his death but how come now here's the good part after his death he's dead and resurrected but guess where the thorn showed up.

[33.15 ] Paul said I have a thorn in my side. The earlier translations of that word thorn in particular in the Thayer bible is unquietness. I have a thorn in my side, and I've asked God three times to remove it and he said your grace is sufficient. So even though Jesus died for it, oh y'all was liking that, y'all were liking that, that thorn showed up in Paul's side, and for whatever reason he wasn't healed of it. That doesn't mean God can't do it but he didn't.

My grandmother back in the day we used to have testimony service anybody never know anything about testimony service I got some old church people in here okay at the beginning of service anybody can stand up and just say what God had done for them that week and my grandmother gave the same testimony every week I know it by heart and one of the things she would talk about all the ways God had healed her body miraculously over the years from her childhood on up from jaundice as a baby we had the whole story heart problems everything and she would had real bad arthritis and she would lean over and put her hands on her knees said if he don't heal me from this old arthritis it ain't because he can't and I think that's one of the greatest proclamations of faith i've had and ever heard in my life. [34.30] He can but if he doesn't it's not because he can't. So Paul lived with that thorn; and sometimes particularly in illnesses that manifest in our emotions and our thoughts sometimes they do stick around, but that doesn't mean God's not there. That doesn't mean you can't do your work.” see we gotta can't just read the bible we want to read the bible I’m taking you to teach you how to really read the bible the bible says in romans 1 20 that which may be known of God is clearly seen being understood at the things that he made you got to look at your bible look at what he made that's why I go back to eden I trace the ground I trace every plant I trace every symbol because God is telling us a story through creation and those thorns the cares and anxieties of this world the deceitfulness of riches you know what ties all that together fear fear fear is one is the to me the chief consequence of the fall is that our bodies began to produce fear you know how I know that as well because Jesus was afraid I’m really going to get in trouble now you don't have to raise that offering pastor andy the bible says that when Jesus was facing death he asked the father to spare him with strong crying not oh father if it be thy will I’m saying I’m cool but let this cup pass for me if you're cool with it I’m cool with it but you know it's whatever it's not that's not what the bible said it said strong crying that's the big tears that's the snot that's the ugly crying that's the hollering crying strong crying Jesus was strong crying in the garden and some of us feel like if we start strong crying that our faith has collapsed am I right man I’m so sorry lord I should have trusted you I just I finally broke down okay I guess Jesus broke down I feel like if I asked God why I broke down but Jesus did it on the cross and so the bible says that he act was strong crying and that he was heard and that he feared I believe that might be romans 12 but don't quote me he was hurt and that he feared and I asked the lord I said well how was he heard because he asked for the cup to pass and you didn't say yes so what did you hear and the holy spirit said read it again so I read it again he was heard in that he feared he was so afraid and he was asking for the cup to pass God didn't give him that request but God went below the request and dealt with the issue underneath the fear and he sends an angel to strengthen him and he prayed harder and the angel strengthened him and when he got up off that ground strengthened he walked down out of gethsemane and [37.23] when they said we're looking for Jesus he said “I am he” and slayed hundreds of soldiers - two seconds off his knees hollering and crying to God about how scared he was. But some of you won't do that in your prayer closet. You get yourself together before you go before the lord. You don't bring him all that - you bring him faith. Okay whatever. Number one, it don't mean you're not scared just because you acting like you not; and two, it seemed to clear the path for Jesus to go from broken to powerful. So why do we feel like our emotional breakdown is a problem with faith when Jesus was snotting all over the ground in Gethsemane and his father showed up for him.

[38.06] While you're holding in all of these emotions, it's breaking down your nervous system which is causing your mental health to diminish until one day you suddenly have a panic attack. It ain't suddenly you've refused to express emotion for 15 years, it's not sudden. It is a lie that your emotions are antithetical to your faith. It's even not really about mental illness, it's about emotion. We have taken the world's definition of emotion and mind, and we agree with the world that your mind is supposed to overcome your emotions and you're not supposed to have strong emotions.

and we believe that we found two scriptures about the mind and we quote paul and those two scriptures more than we act like Jesus I love paul but he did not die for me and you don't skipped all the gospels Jesus is crying he flipping tables he's crying he's scared he's showing all these emotions and every time he shows one power shows up every time never thought about that have you can't just read the bible you got to read the bible stop going in there just looking for a verse to address what you need and how you feel and actually study Jesus's life because that's how we're supposed to live he cried at lazarus's tomb and then he raised him from the dead he flipped tables and had a temper tantrum because they was acting up and then he healed people he scared to death in gethsemane slayed people screamed why on the cross and then ripped a veil from top to bottom when he died

[39.40] Why are you acting like if you express an emotion you have failed God? And since you don't want to have emotions, you definitely don't want to have a mental illness. That's like going way too far. [39.58] I need you to not just be not mentally ill, I want you to be emotionally well and part of that is accepting your emotions, embracing your emotions, expressing your emotions, releasing your emotions. It doesn't make you less saved, it just makes you less well.

Besides if he's strong when we're weak when does he ever get to be strong for you. He gets to be strong for me all the time. I go down I go down like a house of cards let me tell you right now if something is bothering me I’m just like I go right up to my prayer closet and I tell them what's on my mind because I’m a cracked earthen vessel and the excellency of the power is not of me and so the more I tell you about what's wrong with me and how I cry and have fits the more you see God so pride is keeping you away from him now because you don't want to have a fall you don't want to have a breakdown and because you're so proud of yourself not having a breakdown then when someone shows up saying they have depression you're just like they must be weak because I mean i've been I’m just saying pastor andy I I’m sorry this is me preaching about mental illness it is in your bible we do have a war a law in your member your body wars has anybody ever not wanted to feel the way they felt but they still felt it anyway you lost to that you lost that day you lost you were taken captive and you will be again if paul went down we're all going down it's what it is that doesn't mean that we're running the streets sinning but we are being human beings and you know what the majority of people that come into my office who are so upset because there's some sin cycle that they're caught in a behavior that they can't break and that is never the topic the first thing I ask them what's going on how are you feeling what are you feeling the moment before you step into that space again what did you feel I want to hear about the desperation I want to hear about the sadness I want to hear about the sexual abuse that got you addicted to pornography in the first place because God's more interested in healing the sexual abuse than he is in destroying you for sinning we all look at the outer man but God looks at the heart and some of you are judging other people harshly looking at the outward man but you don't understand what may have led them to this place and some of you are judging yourself that way because you don't understand how things that you suffered earlier in your life is actually connected to the behavior that you're engaging in now and so you're condemning yourself and hating yourself instead of opening yourself for God to heal you and so my sister had a law in her member that was nuclear strength nuclear strength and I have my own wars but none of mine are not as strong as hers she had a nuclear war to fight the law in her member was really broken and that should just bring compassion in us for people and not condemnation. [43.10] If someone is fighting a harder war than you, that should be compassion in you not pride - not pride.

Last story I'll tell and then we're almost done but I want to let some questions if that's okay pastor and I bet some people probably have some questions there was uh I've been in church all my life so fourth generation my husband's a fourth generation pastor I’m a third generation pastor's wife everybody's in ministry I've been in church forever and there was a church mother that I knew growing up who got a serious case of of dementia in her um 70s and dementia by the way in alzheimer's are in that diagnostic statistic manual of mental disorders by the way alzheimer's is in the same diagnostic book as schizophrenia as autism as addiction all in the same book I can flip one page alzheimer's flip a few more pages schizophrenia flip a few more pages addiction it's all in the same book [44.01] Because the symptoms are emotional or in your thought life or in your behavior. Alzheimer's is a thought symptoms, the main symptoms symptomatology is your thoughts so it's in the same book. It's a mental illness - just that's free.

Because you don't look at great grandma and say oh she's mentally ill when she has dementia, but it's a mental illness because it's affecting her thoughts. Anyway this particular mother in church got dementia pretty badly she was living alone at the time because she had been fine and her kids hadn't heard from her for a while so they came to town to check on her you know church people had stopped by to see her a couple times she seemed fine but then she kind of went quiet for a few weeks well it turned out that this church mother's dementia had taken her back if anyone's ever known with dementia they tend to get stuck in like a certain phase of their life so she thought she was in her early 30s well she didn't know Jesus in her early 30s so when they finally got her to open the door she had a cigarette hanging on her mouth a drink in her hand and a boyfriend that had moved in now should the rapture have come at that moment how many people think this church mother would have been left behind nobody or at least you're smart enough not to say yes but seriously think about it would she have gone would she have been left behind trying not to get the mark of the beast at that moment no because her member had her in permanent captivity she had to be moved into assisted living where she could be kept safe but her member had taken her captive in a way that she was unfortunately not released from that didn't mean that in her inner man she did not have the law of christ Jesus doesn't scare that easy Jesus doesn't scare that easy and I believe she's with Jesus now even though her mind was taken captive her mind was taken captive by her brain by her member that didn't capture her salvation that didn't capture her salvation and so I need you to loosen up I know it's scary I think that when people say mental illness is exactly the same as physical illness I disagree with that to a certain extent because it's scarier if my foot is hurting if I have a bunion if I have you know lupus or diabetes like that's that's a that's a challenge that I need to address but it doesn't challenge who I think I am but when you feel like you can't trust your thoughts or your emotions like that's that's personal you know like so what was am I wrong about everything it's very disconcerting it can leave you questioning your own identity I get it it's much I think it's much scarier and so I understand why people don't want to deal with it because it's scary but

[47.04] unfortunately you not getting a diagnosis doesn't mean you don't have anything. You can avoid the therapist so you don't get diagnosed with depression, but that doesn't mean you don't have depression; it just means …. But there's no name above the name of Jesus and since there's no name above the name of Jesus you don't need to be afraid to name your name of whatever you might have. If you really believe that, then why can't we say, I, my member is a mess, and it's doing these things. I have an anxiety disorder, I have panic attacks, I have a clinical depression, I have bipolar disorder. But here's what's amazing I still belong to Jesus and why avoid that testimony. You don't have to be afraid of being human. First of all, God's still a healer and I believe that. I believe he heals symptoms of all kinds. But just like if you have a chronic disease you go to your doctor, and still believe God, come to the altar every time they call for healing. You come down here; because as quick as God heals you, you'll be good and you'll stop going. But in the meantime you go, don't you? It's the same thing. You can still go to your therapist you're not not believing God. Go see a therapist, pray in tongues all the way over there, pray in the car, grab your therapist by the hand before you start. Say, hey I just want to lay hands on you sis that God will use you to help me on.

today glory to God hasha baha coming in a honda leave it in a subaru and get your session and go home. you know why because the law in your member

[48.40] When you're in a war, why wouldn't you weaken what was warring against you? So if I can get the law in my member to be less strong, if our therapist can give me skills that will weaken the law in my member, if it gets to that place where a medication will weaken the law in my member, whether changing my diet will weaken the law in my member, exercise well we can allow my member, why wouldn't I want to weaken my wrestling opponent? That is a strategy that helps you win. It doesn't replace spiritual warfare, it goes with spiritual warfare.

[49.16] Old testament is full of wars, and they had incredible strategies - not just weapons, so why don't you have a strategy? Therapists are strategists I’m a strategist. Many of you've heard me say “prayer is a weapon, therapy is a strategy” you can do both; you don't fight wars without strategies. So pray in tongues, plead the blood, pour olive oil over your head till it runs down your weave and beard - as if the oil ran down from Aaron's head; pour - do it all. That's the issue. [49.51] Stop trying to figure out. Was it a spiritual problem, is it an emotional problem, is it a mental problem, is it a physical problem? It's just a problem. So I’m going to bring my spiritual weapons, I’m going to go to therapy, I’m going for a run, I’m going to stop eating so much sugar because it makes my mood oscillate, and I’m going to live my best possible life in this body because even though it does get taken captive it also does beautiful things; it also does beautiful things. [50.14]The resurrection and restoration of our bodies is a part of the journey of the gospel. We have separated our bodies from the gospel like we're just trying to survive till our soul escapes. That is not really what soul means in the old testament. The word soul is the vesh?, it means living soul, and it includes your body; it's inseparable. This whole gospel is a body. We were made in a body, the body fell, Jesus crawled into a body, hid in the seed of a woman for generations, came out, got his own body, died, got his body beaten up, rose from the dead.

[50.47] Then he came to see me, then he told me I’m ma get a new body. This whole gospel - it's about this body. Stop arguing and fighting with it and take care of it, it will increase your spiritual life. How do I know? One last scripture I promise. Proverbs 15 13. It says that a merry heart gives a cheerful countenance. In other words when I’m in an emotionally good place you can see it on my face. But the second half of the scripture says “by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken”. Your emotional pain can break you spiritually, and some of you know what that means. You were fine until this death, till this divorce, till this loss. And something - you in church and you work, but it don't feel like it felt. You trying but you're not feeling. It's just like where is God? Prayer feel like it's bouncing off the ceiling, so you pray harder, and you fast more; but what you really need is heart. If my broken heart broke my spirit, then I should heal my heart; because if I heal my spirit my broken heart is going to break it again. So a lot of your problems are not spiritual, they're actually just emotional pain. The seed of the word is sewn into the heart, so if you take care of the heart the seed of the word will flourish more. You'll be more powerful spiritually when you're well emotionally so it's time to take care of your heart. All right?