[The Holy journey begins, and for zandtao that now means looking into the Agape tradition to balance the wisdom tradition that amongst others gave him his practice. This Agape-quest is designated by the  in reflection contents.]
Zandtao has determined a reason for his Catholicism – Sacred Wound of Fake. Having seen his own path - Holy journey east-west, he is going to use his autonomy as a love-wisdom balance to see what is fake. To see the fake zandtao has to understand the process.
Unfortunately Anita is getting it in the neck again as he is going to look at her process. Zandtao likes her in general, mainly because she cultivates her trauma. But she is a pastor, and as such she loves God unconditionally but that is not unconditional love.
Listening to Heart over Mind (transcript), zandtao got the impression that there was some kind of bearing all to God, Jesus or the Holy Ghost, some kind of opening up and letting in of God, Jesus or Holy Ghost. Zandtao has no issue with calling this loving God or enabling presence, but this requires the purification of the vihara by letting go of ego. For Anita the only purification he has met so far has been meeting the emotional needs to release trauma – cultivating the garden within. Is there other purification? Zandtao hopes that Heart over Mind will show him what Anita does that compares with the purification of the vihara, presence – loving God, bringing in the Holy Ghost – seems to be close enough.
“[0.36] That abundant life is internal first.” – good with purification of the vihara. She began with a prayer that included “We're going to touch our own pain, and we're going to allow you to touch it. Because we know that healing is in your touch, guidance is in your touch, understanding and clarity is in your touch.” That’s more than enough in terms of reconnecting with Source – reconnecting with Dhamma.
But now the issue revolves around agency, how is the vihara purified to leave us open to the healing touch of presence?
“[2.16] and because we have this power in earthen vessels, and when we admit that we're earthen we just give more glory to you.” Earthen vessels means vihara, admitting we are earthen is anatta and immanent God. But there is no indication here as to level of agency. [2.28] “So help us as we vulnerably move out of the way to let your power show through in Jesus name”. “Vulnerably move out of the way” – what does this mean? It feels like an atta that is residing in the earthen vessel and has to move out of the way to reconnect (power showing through). Yet she has just spoken of anatta. This appears as contradiction to zandtao but there doesn’t appear to be such detailed clarity in Christianity. But overall this prayer could be interpreted as detaching from egos and allowing the autonomy of the 5 graces. But detaching through practice and “Vulnerably move out of the way” are far from being explicitly the same method.
Anita started with the notion of two illnesses – physical and mental – countering illness as just being physical. [16.16] But these illnesses arose from the body – as opposed to the spirit. “There is no difference in source. We talk about them like the physical illness came from my body but the mental illness came from somewhere else. …. the only difference between a physical illness and a mental illness are the symptoms of the illness, all the illnesses come from the body because dead people don't get any.” Both illnesses approximately covered 4 khandhas. [17.20] “we call those physical illnesses; and the doctors have all those in a book and they use those to write their diagnoses.” “[17.30] Well there's this other book. It's called the diagnostic statistical manual of mental disorders, and in that book we have all the diagnoses for illnesses that show up in your emotions, your thoughts and your behaviors.”
“[19.16] In Eden there was a problem, a wrong decision was made, our bodies changed and now as Christians we are working towards that restoration.” What is this restoration? How do we restore? Is there a practice in restoring? Very much like reconnecting to Dhamma.
At one point Anita gave some indication. “[33.15 ] Paul said I have a thorn in my side. The earlier translations of that word thorn in particular in the Thayer bible is unquietness. I have a thorn in my side, and I've asked God three times to remove it and he said your grace is sufficient. So even though Jesus died for it, oh y'all was liking that, y'all were liking that that thorn showed up in Paul's side, and for whatever reason he wasn't healed of it. That doesn't mean God can't do it but he didn't.”
This says a lot to me. There is grace and God said your grace is sufficient. God did not remove thorns, it was your responsibility; and there is grace to heal the thorns. There is grace and using that grace it is the seeker’s responsibility to cast out sin – thorns. Whilst there is no wisdom so far as to how to heal, the onus is placed on the seeker. God’s grace will cast out sin, and it is the seeker’s responsibility to be in a state of grace. Let’s see if she gives guidance how to commune with God to get God’s grace, and how to be in a state of grace – in Buddhist terms zandtao can give advice on this practice.
“[34.30] He can but if he doesn't it's not because he can't. So Paul lived with that thorn; and sometimes particularly in illnesses that manifest in our emotions and our thoughts sometimes they do stick around, but that doesn't mean God's not there. That doesn't mean you can't do your work.” Doing God’s work – meaningful life.
Here she addresses one issue that is connected to the garden within. “[38.06] While you're holding in all of these emotions, it's breaking down your nervous system which is causing your mental health to diminish until one day you suddenly have a panic attack. It ain't suddenly you've refused to express emotion for 15 years, it's not sudden. It is a lie that your emotions are antithetical to your faith. It's even not really about mental illness, it's about emotion. We have taken the world's definition of emotion and mind, and we agree with the world that your mind is supposed to overcome your emotions and you're not supposed to have strong emotions.” This addresses emotions in part, leave it there for the moment.
“[39.40] Why are you acting like if you express an emotion you have failed God? And since you don't want to have emotions, you definitely don't want to have a mental illness.”
“[39.58] I need you to not just be not mentally ill, I want you to be emotionally well and part of that is accepting your emotions, embracing your emotions, expressing your emotions, releasing your emotions.” There is expressing and there is indulging emotions, it is a balance of non-attachment. If we don’t express there is repressed ego. Express and let go. But do the emotions have to arise? We can change the situations so there is no need for a particular emotion. But sometimes we like that emotion and make it arise – indulgence and attachment.
“[47.04] unfortunately you not getting a diagnosis doesn't mean you don't have anything. You can avoid the therapist so you don't get diagnosed with depression, but that doesn't mean you don't have depression; it just means …. But there's no name above the name of Jesus and since there's no name above the name of Jesus you don't need to be afraid to name your name of whatever you might have. If you really believe that, then why can't we say, I, my member is a mess, and it's doing these things. I have an anxiety disorder, I have panic attacks, I have a clinical depression, I have bipolar disorder. But here's what's amazing I still belong to Jesus and why avoid that testimony. You don't have to be afraid of being human. First of all, God's still a healer and I believe that. I believe he heals symptoms of all kinds. But just like if you have a chronic disease you go to your doctor, and still believe God, come to the altar every time they call for healing. You come down here; because as quick as God heals you, you'll be good and you'll stop going. But in the meantime you go, don't you? It's the same thing. You can still go to your therapist you're not not believing God. Go see a therapist, pray in tongues all the way over there, pray in the car, grab your therapist by the hand before you start. Say, hey I just want to lay hands on you sis, that God will use you to help me on.”
This is a long quote, and I don’t really understand but it is what Anita is trying to do. It is about belief in God and prayer, and that such a belief and prayer can bring healing. If it works – great. If it does work for them no wonder some people have a conviction. But from zandtao’s point of view there is no responsibility in this. From his point of view he does the best he can to make the best vihara. With the best vihara there is the best communion – the best reconnection with God – the best state for grace that could enable a state of grace.
Based on her Oprah conversation and this talk there seems to be a pattern. Zandtao emphasises practice that involves two approaches – make the effort to have the best vihara through this practice and reconnect with the Dhamma - Source - in that best vihara. Anita emphasises loving God, using prayer to help her in what she does. How far does Anita go with making her best vihara? Because loving God and prayer are her primary answers, making the best vihara is not her spiritual emphasis. Work on the details of individual egos if you want but loving God and prayer is the emphasis for bringing the answer.
Zandtao emphasises for the seeker to make the best vihara, and as that vihara is improved it opens the door to grace (5 graces) if the seeker includes those graces in their practice. It is not zandtao’s faith that loving God and prayer are the answers alone – maybe they are for other seekers? For Anita’s seekers.
Here is how Anita considers zandtao’s emphasis on his detailed approach to making the best vihara. To understand this quote it is necessary to understand “law in the member”. According to Anita there is an ongoing war in our member (basically kaya), and because of this war we are brought into captivity to the law of sin. [23.46] “For I delight in the law of God after the inward man, but I see another law where in my members - if you're reading the King James it says in my members if you're in the NIV it'll say in me but that word members is very important - warring against the law of my mind and then what does that law and his members do - bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.”
From Microsoft co-pilot “The “law in my members” that Paul refers to is often interpreted as the principle of sin that operates in the human body, leading to sinful actions despite the mind’s desire to obey God’s law. It’s a metaphorical way of describing the struggle between the sinful nature (flesh) and the regenerated spirit within a believer. Paul is essentially saying that even though he wants to do good, there is another law at work within his body that wages war against the law of his mind, making him a prisoner of the law of sin.” This fits in with what zandtao has gleaned from Anita’s talk.
[48.40] When you're in a war, why wouldn't you weaken what was warring against you? So if I can get the law in my member to be less strong, if our therapist can give me skills that will weaken the law in my member, if it gets to that place where a medication will weaken the law in my member, whether changing my diet will weaken the law in my member, exercise well we can allow my member, why wouldn't I want to weaken my wrestling opponent? That is a strategy that helps you win. It doesn't replace spiritual warfare, it goes with spiritual warfare.
Zandtao offers Buddhadasa’s strategy of MwB – use meditation on the breath to balance the tetrads of kaya, vedana and citta – roughly translated as body, emotions and mental processes; this is Buddhadasa’s way of making the best vihara. The fourth tetrad is integration or reconnecting with Dhamma – this would fit in with loving God; this could be seen as spirit. Buddhadasa’s MwB offers a strategy that balances body emotions and mental processes leading to well-being. Well-being would be beneficial in Anita’s spiritual warfare. This brings in the question – how does meditating to create balance fit in with what Anita is trying to do? Meditation is not a requirement os any practice but zandtao finds it helpful.
In line with the strategy that specifies details Anita said “ [51.49] If my broken heart broke my spirit, then I should heal my heart; because if I heal my spirit my broken heart is going to break it again.”
Her final remarks give some indication on this. “[49.51] Stop trying to figure out. Was it a spiritual problem, is it an emotional problem, is it a mental problem, is it a physical problem? It's just a problem. So I’m going to bring my spiritual weapons, I’m going to go to therapy, I’m going for a run, I’m going to stop eating so much sugar because it makes my mood oscillate, and I’m going to live my best possible life in this body because even though it does get taken captive it also does beautiful things; it also does beautiful things.” An Anita objective – “live my best possible life in this body because even though it does get taken captive it also does beautiful things; it also does beautiful things.”
As a wider objective concerning soul:-
“[50.14] The resurrection and restoration of our bodies is a part of the journey of the gospel. We have separated our bodies from the gospel like we're just trying to survive till our soul escapes” …. “it means living soul, and it includes your body; it's inseparable. This whole gospel is a body.” This is a definite position of integration. Without wishing to put words in her mouth she is encouraging her seekers to be more integrated.
“[50.47] Then he came to see me, then he told me I’m ma get a new body. This whole gospel - it's about this body. Stop arguing and fighting with it and take care of it, it will increase your spiritual life.”
These last two aligns with zandtao – take care of your integrated body. However Zandtao would say take care of integrated body and spirit but that is not aligned as she is happy to say she is engaging in spiritual warfare. Is this spiritual warfare against the law in members – sin? Warfare means there is an enemy, for simplicity’s sake let’s call it sin. From 24.16 to 27.36 Anita talks of 3 types of sin – sins we commit, sins committed upon us, and sinfulness – original sin. Warfare is talking of coonflict, that is not zandtao's way.
How ludicrous to try to draw a close connection between what Anita is trying to do and zandtao’s autonomy and practice. He cannot do that with some Buddhists, let alone with a Christian whose version of Christianity is different from the lapsed Catholicism he experienced. It was very interesting to examine her approach in some detail, but he lacks the background experience of the different beliefs for such a consideration. Maybe Pastor Michael could give a more detailed analysis because of his knowledge of US churches but zandtao suspects he is unlikely to try.
Through both talks (Oprah and Heart over Mind) zandtao has gleaned some indication, and is willing to raise a few points of approach. First and foremost for zandtao warfare is a bad approach. There is struggle with patriarchy but the spiritual life is concerned with living in harmony with nature. Whilst actions arise from a person that are harmful acts (sinful), zandtao hopes that through practice harmony can be created so that there is peace – peace through integration not internal conflict. By its nature autonomy is harmonious (autonomy reconnecting with Source/God), and his practice is concerned with integrating the khandhas into that harmony. This approach shows itself with the gentleness that ego is treated – recognise the ego and gently let it go; force and struggle strengthen egos. There is determination and motivation in abidance but that effort is non-conflictual – keep trying for harmony and the harmony will come. The emphasis is concerned with living in harmony and not defeating evil egos. Conflict does however arise with patriarchy and its conditioning because patriarchy works against harmony. But zandtao’s emphasis is living in harmony and peace. Yet ironically Anita lives in greater harmony with patriarchy, because zandtao's tathata sees the conditioning patriarchy creates.
Zandtao likes how Anita approaches practice by looking in and finding a way of balancing blockages. Her focus in cultivating her garden is primarily with emotion and looking for ways of releasing emotional trauma. For zandtao this somatic scanning is a similar approach to ZPAP, but his practice is concerned with releasing egos from khandhas – body (kaya), emotions (vedana) and mind (sanna and sankhara – memory, perceptions and mental processes); in conjunction with releasing egos there is an ongoing process of reconnecting with Source leading to grace (the 5 graces of the 5 Dhamma comrades). In addition now, zandtao sees the need for somatic scanning concerning the Holy khandha – our ancestral gift. This approach is not dissimilar to what Anita is trying to do as far as zandtao can see she has indicated, but it is ludicrous to seek correspondence between such different traditions. Even though all paths are the same, it is arrogant to attempt to squeeze Anita’s path into zandtao’s autonomy and practice.
Is there a difference with sin? Clinging to desire and consequential harmful actions appears to be an interpretation of sin. Desire arises naturally – is this the law of members?, but desires can rise and fall by simply noting and not attaching. The longer we continue the process of non-attachment, the less desires arise. Is this the way sin is?
Can we see a connection between paticcasamuppada and laws in members? Certainly paticcasamuppada is a natural law, and it requires our mindful intervention for events and desires not to become egos where potentially egos become sin. Such connection is speculation and zandtao has no wish to go beyond this speculative indication.
What zandtao is prepared to be more definitive about is the need for love-wisdom balance in order to develop tathata – seer-consciousness. From considering Anita it seems that the power of loving God can prevent the arising of wisdom and therefore prevent the completeness of unconditional love. How that fits into Anita’s practice and whether she chooses to fit it in is of course her decision-making. For zandtao allowing the 5 graces is important and as he found in the wisdom tradition it is possible to restrict our autonomy through failure to have love-wisdom balance.
ZPAP:-
The following is an observation of recent practice, has meaning for zandtao but cannot be considered for general understanding even though zandtao might like it to.
For a number of reasons his practice lapsed this last week, but because of his investigation he was trying “loving God”. This felt OK – warm and fuzzy. But today he went back to ZPAP. Not surprisingly but worthy of note, there were all kinds of attachment – no trauma. This is typical of a lapse in practice but is to be noted because with loving God he did not feel bad – usually the indicator of irritation - because of his lapse. When his practice lapses there is a lack of clarity (as well as this irritation), this time loving God had removed the irritation but there was still a lack of clarity; clarity came back with ZPAP.
But as usual with lapses each of the khandhas, kilesas and upadanas develops attachment that needs to be released. The experience of this lapse and the way loving God removed zandtao’s warning of irritation reinforced the need for wisdom practice.
Warm and fuzzy initially reduced concentration as well.
Overall this reinforced zandtao’s Diamond Sutra warning.
This recent lapse and correction indicates a concern over unconditional love of God. Loving God can be the Christian spiritual bypassing. And in a way it must be worse as love is far more powerful than jhanas on the top of a mountain. So it leads to a question – what form does Christian spiritual bypassing take?
What happens with Christian seekers? They love God, and might well be tempted to call this love unconditional because they fully commit to loving God and make an assumption that that is unconditional love. But from the wisdom tradition zandtao knows that unconditional love is two-sided. God or Source has no conditions but the seeker brings with them such conditioning. In wisdom traditions much work is done in practice to release that conditioning by preparing the best vihara – the best earthen vessel.
Given his Sacred Wound of Catholicism what is done by Catholics to release conditioning? And the word that comes to mind is communion. Catholicism is full of ritual and zandtao has learned of silabattupadana - clinging to rites and rituals, so in terms of rituals he is only looking at meaning. What is the meaning of sticking a little white round thing in your mouth and melting it away – Communion? The meaning lies in the preparation of the vihara prior to communion, so that at the time of communion the seeker is prepared to reconnect with Source – God. How do catholics prepare the vihara? Bill saw only fakeness as many attendees were simply there to be seen – there to be seen as holy and taking communion accordingly. For zandtao communion means that the vihara has been readied by practice, so the seeker is ready for Source – loving God. Within Catholicism zandtao believes there are approaches to readiness such as 10 Commandments, maybe that readiness arises from Caroline’s Holy journey. For Anita zandtao questions whether sufficient attention is paid to the readiness of the earthen vessel, do her seekers take enough responsibility for this readiness and does their practice mean that the vessel is pure? This means more than being free from illness, and probably being more than free from sin (but that would depend on defining sin). In zandtao’s terms this readiness would be working towards being free from ego, free from attachment - working for atammayata.
And in communion there is prayer that provides the concentraion - the grace to focus connection.
Zandtao is going to leave Anita there, and hopes he has indicated enough of her teachings. He apologises if there is offence or misunderstanding, but from studying her he has learnt of appropriate questioning in his love-wisdom balance that hopefully will bring his own understanding in the search for genuine equanimity.
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