This last three weeks zandtao's writing has been waylaid by changing webhost and then choosing to update his website - both seem to have gone well. He got sucked into the update and lost some control; it had to be a disciplined focus taking over as his limited knowledge of coding meant it was not creative. On the one hand he was amazed at how much time and effort he could put in on one day in the coding update, on the other he lost meditation. When he started to try to touch consciousness again this zeersight came up.
zandtao has filled up with "stress" but not in a bad way, he feels heavy with all the dukkha residue; now he feels it will take a bit of time to release this restriction. Does he really feel stressed? Yes and no. Yes he feels heavy and needs to become light. No because it is all his control and choice - not wage-slavery. He is allowing the commitment to update to become this heaviness because the effort has produced results. Today he is trying to become light , and there is not full control. He has to work on it to regain that control. But it is not a problem, it is not stress like work-stress - it is up to zandtao to regain the control.
Clearly this heaviness is a restriction so trying to let go of this heaviness fits in with his meditation approach of releasing restriction. zandtao is a processor of consciousness. Consciousness "comes in" and expresses itself through zandtao and it leaves restriction as a calling-card; there is a residue of consciousness-processing. For zandtao this residue is released through his practice. Thinking back to times of stress without meditation it is amazing what we do unconsciously as the human-processor; yet to be aware, however incompletely, is so much better.
zandtao talks of the 3 restrictions as ego, suffering and clinging; his learning for practice has become more about these 3 restrictions since threshold. Prior to threshold his practice was concerned with ego. When young clinging was a huge issue as drink addiction. Then after his "pledge" addiction was less harmful but there was still clinging like TV, but there was also the 2nd childhood ego because of wage-slavery. Once starting to build a practice as a Buddhist before and after retirement, of the three restrictions ego was the biggest; in work meditation was more about coping ( McMindfulness - not practice in the sense of the path. But undoubtedly the meditation at the time combined with the financial capability led to retirement - along with his feelings about the careerism and profiteering that were his wage-slavery bane.
Once the acupuncturists showed him agitation zandtao has struggled with the word dukkha - the extent of its meaning, context etc. There is ego and the state of non-ego, anatta; there is clinging - holding over time (holding as nicca) - and there is anicca - impermanence. So what is dukkha? Is it suffering? We process anatta-consciousness and it leaves a residue of ego; we process anicca-consciousness and it leaves a residue of clinging. But does the word dukkha mean the consciousness or the residue? Is there andukkha and dukkha? Because dukkha is the word describing that characteristic of Buddhism, zandtao suggests dukkha as consciousness and suffering as the residue. With this suggestion of consciousness he does not use the translation of suffering but uses suffering as the residue. But this is only a formal delineation because andukkha and dukkha he lumps together as dukkha; yet his understanding is andukkha and dukkha.
But even then suffering might not be an appropriate word to describe this residue of consciousness. After his web-building effort zandtao has built up heaviness, if that does not go it is suffering but at present it's just a heavy residue that zandtao expects to release. Then we have all the other dukkha-residue characteristics such as agitation, stress, tension, anxiety, depression. These are the dukkha-residues that have been clung to producing various levels of "mental-illness"; of course they are not illness as they are dukkha-residues that can be released but he does not know appropriate psychological terminology.
Here zandtao wants to explore within Buddhism, and get to the Buddhist mystery that is emptiness - sunnata. For Buddhadasa emptiness was voidness describing anatta as voidness of self/ego. Anatta is an aspect(characteristic) of sunnata as voidness of self/ego. Of anicca?? This is voidness of clinging - voidness of holding through a time period; nothing is permanent. For zandtao the logic is that the 3rd "characteristic" is voidness of suffering - nirodha - cessation of suffering that is sunnata - non-creation of suffering through this aspect of consciousness-processing.
At first glance Buddhists speak of dukkha as the suffering that arises from attachment, attachment as ego and attachment as clinging. But is there an improved way of seeing the 3rd characteristic of dukkha as a voidness - voidness of suffering. In the process of life we attach through self/ego, clinging and suffering. Through meditation we hold space for consciousness - sunnata - releasing the attachment that arises from the process that forms ego, releasing the attachment that arises from the process that clings. Is there a third process? We hold space for consciousness by releasing the attachments that arise from the process that causes suffering.
Let's give more substance and meaning to this last attachment. Of course we would not want suffering but suffering is quite a "high level" of attachment. We would not want anxiety - pretty "high", agitation, stress, tension and unease. And what about the heaviness that zandtao described in his coding. In meditation can we feel this heaviness? Can we see and know it? If we can, can we release it?
So in our practice we can try to learn how to release this 3rd type of restriction - restrictions related to suffering. In daily life can arise attachments as ego and clingings and attachments as suffering, stress, tension etc. But let's use this examination of attachment to dukkha by attempting to be void of all aspects of dukkha from suffering to heaviness - maybe this heaviness is what they mean by unease?
Let us consider this heaviness further - residue of dukkha-consciousness (andukkha?). However minimal the feeling dukkha holds space as heaviness, if we can feel that heaviness let it go. And return that space to the void - to consciousness. For anatta we develop humility, for anicca we develop timelessness - no clinging, and sunnata-dukkha we develop calmness and lightness. An improvement for zandtao.
It was only when zandtao began to practice did he start to progress towards autonomy - even though he did not always know that was what he was doing. And equally he did not always know that this autonomy had the purpose of consciously loving and evolving consciousness. When he was learning his practice Buddhism was an important approach, but now zandtao says there is no religion and there are many diverse ways. But this is not a carte blanche for "anything goes", there is always a need for practice. When we subscribe to a religion then there is little to question, within the religion we build up practice based on dogma. But with autonomy the questioning is completely personal even though consciousness, purpose and practice are common to all.
zandtao's practice basically has 2 components:-
 Holding space for consciousness
Becoming free from restrictions
This is holding space for consciousness as zandtao describes it - the directions and skills of consciousness - directions love wisdom sila and truth - skills mindfulness, focus and embodiment.
And the restrictions to be free from are in Buddhist terms atta, dukkha and nicca. But whilst these are Buddhist words, what they mean being egoic, clinging and being addictive, and the plethora of stuff that can be seen as suffering such as anxiety, clinging to pain, agitation, tension, mental fatigue etc. is common to all. No religion.
So how does our practice achieve these two components? That is the personal questioning of autonomy, how does what we do achieve this? There are so many things that help towards building these 2 components, natural things that we do. One good example is sleep. If we sleep well then there is an emptying of the contents of consciousness to some extent, and a relaxation that helps with many of the dukkha stuff. But is it all? zandtao never found good sleep was all so he meditated when he got up. But that is not enough either as ideally we would want to be conscious and following purpose 24/7, so we develop practices that try to ensure that. That is not easy.
When we develop practice through a religion then we do a lot of these two components, but at the same time we cling to whatever dogma the religion espouses; any dogma fills the contents of consciousness. Please - don't just compromise with the religion, question yourself as to how much space you have for consciousness and how free from restriction you are. These 2 questions do not arise from the dogmas of institutional religions - it could be what no-religion asks, although religions can help with answers - if there is no institutional clinging. And the answers could be the diverse ways "up the mountain", the diverse ways of the path.
When we are developing our practice we begin to recognise how to react to the two components. When we begin our inner journey what we find will be the restrictions that are the conditioning and conformity of our upbringings. As the inner journey continues we begin to release the restrictions making space for consciousness. We develop an understanding of consciousness so that we can fill the space with the directions and skills. And we develop recognition of what are the restrictions. We see egos that have become habitual patterns of behaviour that we can let go as we develop mindfulness, mindfulness that can then be used to grapple with what arises without clinging to patterns.
With our inner journey we can also look inside to see the different aspects of suffering - anxiety, stress, tension etc; when we look inside we begin to know, see and feel what these aspects look like. And once we recognise them we can find our own ways of releasing the restrictions. Through our upbringing we don't always learn about the need for inner journeys - the need for healing ourselves spiritually. What we learn at best is the self-esteem that will enable us to be "successful" in a world of conditioning and conformity. When nature's paths push their way from inside through to start an inner journey then we can recognise the ways of building the 2 components of space-for-consciousness and releasing-restriction. What we have with religion is the learning and experience that can help build practice but attached to this we also have historical dogma; with autonomy we have the clarity to slice through the dogma and be free for consciousness.
This brings liberation - consciousness free from restriction; we can then follow our paths the way nature intended with the vision of seeing the way things are - free from conditioning and conformity.
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