(See anatta language for use of Zandtao, Zandtaomed and Bill to avoid I in writing. From now on there will be no capitals of zandtao, zandtaomed and bill).
So to finding the Art of Mindful Connection, and it begins so well – “A lack of real love for ourselves is one of the most constricting, painful conditions we can know. It cuts us off from our deepest potential for connecting and caring; it is enslavement to powerful — but surmountable — conditioning” [Real Love Ref 7.5]; love surmounts conditioning. As Sharon's book is a toolkit, zandtao doesn’t want to confuse methodologies. Basically he is seeking what she calls the Art – what she means by Art of Mindful Connection.
zandtao has found it best to have as clear a view as possible of his own position on the topic of a z-quest before any interaction. To begin with there is probably little significant difference between MwB and Sharon’s mindfulness toolkit. MwB leads to reconnecting with Dhamma by developing the 4 Dhamma Comrades of sati – mindfulness, panna – wisdom, samathi – concentration and sampajanna – wisdom-in-action. Further to this, studying Thay led to crossing a threshold to sunnata, what zandtao calls the Prajna portal – bringing love-wisdom. What is most important for crossing over is to understand the Buddha’s diamond sutra. zandtao sees it as a warning; that warning also arose because of his discomfort during the experience of crossing over this threshold. There was a stability with Buddhadasa’s MwB, crossing over led to instability; it can’t be described better than that. But the warning of the Diamond sutra for zandtao is that there is a need to keep the discipline of MwB that is summed up as atammayata – non-concocting – no form of attachment; what is described in the teachings of zandtaomed. For zandtao this is basically perfecting the vihara of the 1st 3 tetrads - kaya, vedana and citta; just to note his vihara is not perfect but having faith in the path helps make up for the shortfall.
In one sense the 4th tetrad is a grey area in terms of Buddhist establishment. zandtao is going to discuss it a bit here but then present a position that he uses. The Buddhist terminology that leads to the grey area is Theravada and Mahayana, and it is a further grey area when it is discussed as “What the Buddha taught”. The 4 tetrads correspond to the Satipattana sutta – the 4 foundations of mindfulness, and zandtaomed follows that because it uses Buddhadasa’s interpretation of these foundations together with his own studies. Whilst Buddhadasa is Theravada, he speaks of sunnata in a similar way to reconnecting to Dhamma; how widely is this accepted within the Theravadan community?
Theravada accepts the suttas of the Southern school collected in Sri Lanka, and these suttas are recorded as “What the Buddha taught”. In the time of the Buddha recording was handed down through the generations by oral tradition, apparently this tradition is most closely verifiable to the suttas of the Southern school. Mahayana Buddhism goes beyond these suttas accepting Buddhist texts from other teachers. The Heart sutra is a teaching from avalokitesvara – not the Buddha. zandtao can understand the Southern school not accepting suttas that are not the teachings of the Buddha. But then the Diamond sutra is from the Buddha yet it was not collected with the suttas by the Southern school. Does that mean that the Diamond sutra is not accepted as true by Theravada?
Sunnata as emptiness is central to Mahayana as is the Heart sutra where it is discussed greatly. Thay calls these teachings (Diamond sutra, Heart sutra and more) “Prajnaparamita”. For his own inaccurate usage zandtao is developing the Prajna portal – referring to Prajna as love-wisdom. Why? Because when he crossed this threshold he found himself talking of spiritual love; he sees spiritual love as love-wisdom. So with all this terminology and grey areas this z-quest has reached back to Sharon, zandtao suggests that her real love is the spiritual love he found through Prajna.
[Note – the Prajna portal has been established symbolising the crossing of this threshold. The first thing seekers see is the warning of the Diamond sutra. It is a warning to follow your path (what brouht you to the threshold) and for zandtaomed that is atammayata summed up in these three z-memes:-
Please heed the warning of the Diamond sutra, and make sure you maintain the discipline of your previous practice].
Because this z-quest is drawing on Prajna it is a Prajna z-quest - over the threshold. This does not mean that experiencing real love needs to cross this threshold, it is just where zandtao's seeking has gone. As far as zandtao can see understanding real love with Sharon could be realised with zandtaomed (the zandtao website) rather than entering the Prajna portal – however zandtao's awareness is not just the teachngs in zandtaomed so the z-quest is in the Prajna portal.
This understanding of threshold is mentioned because zandtao wants to see where his own Art of Mindful Connection is. There is a meditation technique he now uses where at a mindful moment he releases attachments and brings in Prajna – this is his iwn practise, it is not “standard”. It feels similar to Eckhart’s deep presence of Now meditation - bringing in love-wisdom – real love.
Prajna is a connection, a connection that is mindful based on the 4 Dhamma Comrades or as Buddhadasa puts it reconnecting with Dhamma - a mindful connection. Mindful connection can arise through zandtaomed in a similar way to Sharon’s meditation presumably.
So the question becomes “what is the art?” Real love is the mindful connection, and real love comes from inside – from the path. Real love is always there even though it might be blocked off by attachment. So the first Art is to remove blocks to ensure the expression of love.
But the second Art comes from navigating vulnerability; if we are not wise with our love then the conditioned in this defiled world will exploit. These two Arts are where zandtao stands with the Art of Mindful Connection for real love. He hopes that by following Sharon’s mindful tools he can improve his understanding of the Art of Mindful Connection, but now there is a position to start from.
Finally it is worth considering the use of the term “Art” itself. Art is creativity, the 3rd part of the path as described here:-
What is creative about mindful connection? Or is it simply that mindful connection is an Art in itself – the Muse of mindfulness? Art makes choices coming from the Muse; the artist has the skills but the Muse chooses. In terms of real love zandtao suggests this is wisdom choosing – mindfully choosing when to love because of vulnerability – creatively choosing when it is safe to be vulnerable – in a sense an Art of Invulnerability.
Sharon begins by looking at worth and self-love as prerequisites for loving, these are judgements about self; following the path makes no such judgement. Self is let go as part of the maturing on the path. This brings up issues such as self-esteem that abound in the wellness industry. Does zandtao have self-esteem? No. From the path arises the understanding that according to nature following the path is what seekers do, there is no value in following the path, no measure of self, following the path is just done – sampajanna. Does zandtao encourage self-esteem? That is more difficult. As a transitory stage self-esteem has value. This value follows the way nature provides upbringing. As children we build up a self-image that gives us protection in a defiled world; then as we mature, we let go of this self-image as we do other egos. Self-esteem has a transitory value on the path to real love, zandtao extends this – wellness has a transitory value on the path to real love.
On the path how far do we go to cultivate wellness? In a sense this is an oxymoron, on the path do we cultivate self? For zandtao this is difficult to answer, bill went from a position of a very limited self having been formed in upbringing to a partial awareness of following the path. When bill says “limited self having been formed”, he means there was minimal investment in the process of middle-class conformity; just the self that came from minimally doing what parents education and community wanted. This was a khandha-conformity, an empty conformity, bill just went through the motions perfunctorily performing what was required of conformity. Is this a good way of going through childhood and adolescence? It was good for him as an adult because no self was built, but it was a “soulless” emptiness; there was no joy – only numbness - none of the joy that is usually associated with childhood. From the time of upheaval 2nd childhood began, and egos/selves as an identity were built around upheaval. This gave bill strength in the transitory phase - 2nd childhood lasted at least 30 years; until on retirement dedication to the path developed. The strength bill built up during 2nd childhood was a wellness strength, and was a transitory necessity before dedicating to the path. If you are not dedicating to the path then self-esteem building self-love is a way of protecting your vulnerabilities in this defiled world. Wellness is a valid transitory stage on the path.
“We are born ready to love and be loved” [Real Love Ref 7.13]. Life is a transition from this essence of love to real love – following the path – the evolving of consciousness.
Essential to the path is understanding how we make agreements and then how we let go of the egos of conditioning so that we can be dedicated to following the path – discussed throughout zandtaomed. Sharon discusses this with her own “path”. Cursorily (as an overview) she starts with the messages we receive (the messages that we make agreements with). “Some of these messages penetrate our conscious minds, while the majority are received by our unconscious and may take years to retrieve and articulate” [Real Love Ref 7.15] – egos or shadow egos. Sharon also talks of the messages of conditioning, messages that arise in two categories:-
 the natural conditioning of building protective egos before we let them go in maturity
the societal conditioning that arises from these protecting egos gestalted in the defiled world of 1%-satrapy or patriarchy (imperialist, white-supremacist, capitalist patriarchy).
For further discussion read the tathata of 2 conditionings.
Dealing with inner impoverishment is an important aspect of this transition. “When we experience inner impoverishment, love for another too easily becomes hunger: for reassurance, for acclaim, for affirmation of our worth. Feeling incomplete inside ourselves, we search for others to complete us” [Real Love Ref7.31]. Lack of wellness is an inner impoverishment, and can only be resolved through an inner journey hopefully leading to following the path; such an inner hunger cannot be displaced through the love of another – it will come back.
Transitioning through this lack of wellness, “(W)e truly can reconfigure how we see ourselves and reclaim the love for ourselves that we’re innately capable of” [Real Love Ref 7.34]. Real love then just happens as we follow the path and step out of the defiled world of conditioning.
Compassion for ourselves is an important feeling – vihara/vehicle – for promoting wellness and beginning the transition to Real Love. “WE BEGIN TO cultivate real love for ourselves when we treat ourselves with compassion” [Real Love Ref 7.38]. In stage 9 of MwB zandtaomed tries to develop the 4 brahma-viharas of compassion – karuna, loving kindness – metta, mudita – empathy and upekkha – equanimity; these are sometimes called “divine abodes” and zandtaomed thinks of them as highest vehicles. This is similar to Sharon “The starting place for this radical reimagining of love is mindfulness. By sitting quietly and focusing on the steady rhythm of the breath as you draw it in and release it, you create room to relate to yourself with compassion” [Real Love Ref 7.41]. Focussing on the breath is central to MwB, developing mindfulness as one of the 4 Dhamma Comrades. Compassion is also described as part of following the path:-
Compassion is core to following the path - it is core to the Wellness transition. Whilst zandtao described above his starting position with regards to the Art of Mindful Connection, he noted that it is part of the Prajna portal because crossing that threshold was when zandtao became more conscious of spiritual love. But Wellness Transition happens long before this Prajna threshold, in a sense it is at the beginning of zandtaomed.
Suffering brings people towards the path, and the first part of dealing with suffering is wellness. As wellness develops then the aspects of ego, shadow or otherwise, are released and we develop integration of the first 3 tetrads – kaya, vedana and citta. This integration is part of the 4th tetrad – reconnecting with Dhamma. Because of upheaval bill did not have such a development (from suffering) as there was a sense of leapfrogging at the time of upheaval, even though during the 2nd childhood there was suffering and much of what happened as his path was developing was building up the Wellness of the 3 tenets as discussed in the Treatise. Building wellness is a precursor to following the path, developing the 4 brahma-viharas is a good way of promoting such internal wellness.
Much of Sharon’s Wellness transition is encapsulated in her work on Metta meditation; metta meditation could be included more in zandtaomed. “The practice of lovingkindness is about cultivating love as a transformative strength, enabling us to feel love that is not attached to the illusion of people (including ourselves) being static, frozen, disconnected. As a result, loving-kindness challenges those states that tend to arise when we think of ourselves as isolated from everyone else—fear, a sense of deficiency, alienation, loneliness” [Real Love Ref 7.46]. When bill was discussing romantic love he spoke of the attachments arising with romantic love, but he did not specify the details. Here Sharon is talking of attachment to the illusion of people. bill was attached to romantic love. Once he found a possible lover, he did not SEE the lover for who they were. He cannot recall a static and frozen image but he cannot ever remember trying to SEE them for who they were.
Now Sharon does not talk of romantic love when she is considering Real Love; whilst it is important not to confuse romantic love with Real Love the reality of love is that most people only experience some connection to love through romantic love. We need to speak to them from where they are at or have been at with love. SEEing tinged with anicca is a good way of addressing romantic love, do we SEE our partner for who they are? With anicca do we see changes in ourselves? In the partner? Or do we have images both of ourselves and partner being in a loving relationship? “Unlike our pop-cultural ideas of love as mushy, related to wanting, owning, and possessing, lovingkindness is open, free, unconditional, and abundant. Lovingkindness is the practice of offering to oneself and others wishes to be happy, peaceful, healthy, strong”
[Real Love Ref 7.47]. Whilst this is evidentially true – true by observation, romantic love is unlikely to be able to SEE this, probably because their best experience in life has been romantic love at its best – not SEEing the rest and the worst. Because the pop-cultural conditioning concerning love is shallow and not true love does not mean that it can be dismissed especially when we talk of wellness which is also not beyond conditioning. Seeing romantic love as part of the transition to real love is constructive, it does not dismiss the reality and power of romantic love and it does not see romantic love and real love as disconnected. Appreciating romantic love as transition is a way of not negating an experience that many people feel they have had.
Metta meditation is transformative in that it can overcome resistance to real loving – fear of real loving, whilst at the same time be used to end attachments through transformation. Because of attachments in romantic love real love can be blocked, metta meditation can unblock. By cultivating loving-kindness through Metta meditation, we develop the wellness needed for transition, wellness in our own happiness or some similar state, as well as overcoming attachments that have become stumbling blocks to real love.
“How do we pay attention? With the practice, we learn to be more fully present and whole in our attention, rather than fragmented or distracted” [Real Love Ref 7.49]. This aspect of metta meditation – paying attention – touches on an important characteristic of this transitional state, as people in transition we are fragmented. From our earliest stages of conditioning egos have been built up creating these identities that we use to cope with life. Such identities are not who we are but are a survival persona that we use to cope with the adversities of the defiled world. They are fragments because we choose personas that we feel can cope with the adversity, yet these identities are not who we are. We leave out “bits of us” as fragments. At the same time the agreements we have been asked to make in our upbringing might well have created disagreements, and if those disagreements are deep they could become fragments that disturb us as shadow. However they have arisen, being fragmented is a state that all people in transition experience.
By paying attention to who we are – by paying attention in our inner journey, we begin to see these fragments; recognising fragments is an essential part of the wellness transition. Ending fragmentation is a stage we transition to by integrating fragments; without integration there cannot be real love.
Details of Sharon’s metta meditation are from [Real Love Ref 7.41 - 7.72], it is meditation that is worth practising and builds wellness in transition to real love.
Here is a partial review so far. The structure of this z-quest is following a similar structure to Sharon’s book. By studying her book intro zandtao examined his own love history, and developed the approach of trying to determine what Sharon meant by the Art of Mindful Connection. So far in this chapter of the z-quest zandtao has looked at her section 1 intro, discussed it and connected wellness transition to the seeking of Real Love. Before moving on zandtaomed wants to discuss his approach to wellness. What has been interesting in this z-quest so far is the development of a clarity as to what wellness means. Previously the attitude to wellness has been a bit dismissive because of the commercialism surrounding it, and being critical because it is not about following the path. Recognising wellness as a transition to the path is more positive than this negative dismissiveness.
In terms of MwB – with the zandtaomed method, wellness could be considered the 1st 3 tetrads – foundations of mindfulness of kaya - body, vedana - feelings and citta - mind. So at this point of review, it is worth considering what is done in MwB for the 1st 3 tetrads. Basically within the context of siladhamma MwB helps us remove attachments to kaya, vedana and citta. This closely follows the consideration of attachments to the 5 khandhas – kaya, vedana, sanna and sankhara with the consciousness vinnana that makes those attachments. Sanna is memories and perceptions, whilst sankhara are mental operations; so citta as sanna and sankhara (with the required vinnana) is not an unreasonable correlation. Buddhadasa talked of “removing the I and mine from the 5 khandhas”; this is more than the 1st 3 tetrads, it is more than wellness but is a significant beginning process of wellness before advancing on the path to reconnecting with Dhamma (4th tetrad).
At the same time as recognising attachments to the 5 khandhas, with zandtaomed MwB in the 1st 3 tetrads looks at other forms of attachment; specifically kilesa and upadana. For zandtaomed kilesa is an important word in understanding the world we live in. Kilesa means defilements, and zandtaomed describes the world as defiled. The 3 defilements zandtaomed focusses on are greed (lobha), hatred (dosa) and delusion (moha); whilst good people would agree that greed and hatred are defiling they might be less sure about delusion – zandtaomed sees the ways of deluding ourselves as significant in maintaining the defilement of the world.
Upadana means clinging, an egoic process of attachment. There are 4 considered upadanas – kamupadana – clinging to desire, ditthupadana – clinging to ideas and beliefs, silabattupadana – clinging to rites and rituals, and attavadupadana – clinging to self. When we consider these upadanas then the 1st 3 upadanas address issues that are part of the 1st 3 tetrads whilst clinging to self is more concerned with the 4th tetrad in the zandtaomed structure; from the wellness of letting go of the 1st 3 upadanas we move beyond the conditioning to reconnecting with Dhamma – integration.
Throughout consideration of wellness by removing attachment there is an underlying guide – sila. The more we remove attachment the more we uncover the fundamental natural harmony that comes from living a life of sila – living in siladhamma. There is no wellness if we do not live in harmony with sila, if we are unsure of how to act ask yourself if the action has sila – moral integrity. This is not a sila of commandments, of moral rules, of laws that are created to favour a few; siladhamma is concerned with the harmonious living of all people in society. Actions of wellness would promote that harmony.
Narrative is very much concerned with the kilesa of delusion. When we are talking of narrative we are talking of conditioning, of the agreements (from messages) that we make during our upbringing both from family and education, and of the ongoing agreements with the conditioning of the defiled world. The defiled world presents us with these narratives – often through our parents, and it can become a requirement within society to accept these narratives. In the world of wellness we develop an ability to live with these agreements; and if we fail to do so, we can be considered unwell. For example, we require money to live so we have to accept wage-slavery as a means of obtaining this money. For those people without wellness accepting the discipline of wage-slavery can be a problem, it certainly was for bill prior to upheaval. Narrative however is not truth, seeing the narrative for what it is and avoiding the delusions often presented in narratives is an integral part of following the path; quite simply we make our own narrative and are not deluded by the narratives the defiled world attempts to impose on us. Wellness is a process of coping with imposed narratives; following the path is establishing your own through your own truth, through the path, through the connection with Dhamma: true narratives are based in siladhamma. “If I look at what’s happening through the eyes of love, how would I tell this story?” [Real Love Ref 8.16].
“TO TRULY LOVE ourselves, we must treat our stories with respect, but not allow them to have a stranglehold on us, so that we free our mutable present and beckoning future from the past.
"To truly love ourselves, we must open to our wholeness, rather than clinging to the slivers of ourselves represented by old stories. Living in a story of a limited self—to any degree—is not love” [Real Love Ref 8.45]. This is true whether it is the stories in our life, the identities we accept, or the narratives the defiled world tries to impose on us; real love takes us beyond our egoic stories and beyond the conditioning of narratives.
“TRY RETELLING YOUR story as a hero’s journey, where you survived hard times and failures to become the stronger and wiser person you are now. Try telling it as a series of random events over which you had no control. Then rewrite the story. How did your choices shape who you are now?” [Real Love Ref 9.47]. Through responding to someone’s teachings as a z-quest zandtao developed his own understanding of the teaching concerned – in this case Real Love with Sharon Salzberg; this is a retelling of the teaching with a zandtaomed brush.
Writing our own stories has become a standard way for learning. It started with Matriellez in which bill clarified what happened to him in teaching. This book began as a mission statement based on his teaching life, but it wasn’t until he came to the second part long after the writing had started – years after the writing had ground to a stop – that zandtao actually understood what that mission was; it came after the centring summer. It was only then that zandtao understood that the basis for the curriculum needed to be a secular preparation for the path, a curriculum whose intention was to provide the educational necessities for living in society whilst not providing any blocks – attachments – for those who want to follow the path. How many people describe first lessons on their path as unlearning?
zandtao has just completed his dedication to bell hooks in which he studied one of her books in the light of his own upbringing. This led zandtaomed to amending the Manual to include as part of integration “embracing the MAWP by engaging with bell hooks”. This dedication was a retelling of bill's life by questioning what happened to him in the light of the patriarchy (imperialist, white-supremacist, capitalist patriarchy); by so doing zandtao helped further unlearn the conditioning he had gone through.
One way of first experiencing Buddhism is through monasteries where people attend talks or do retreats. Such experience is typically listening to an orange robe interpret the suttas based on what their orange robe had delivered to them. Such delivery is intentionally impersonal, a delivery about what the Buddha taught whilst not seeking personal interpretation. There is an avoidance of the personal because the personal would reduce the true power of the Buddha’s teachings. But being dry and impersonal is also a disadvantage for a seeker first looking for the path. With the methodology of zandtaomed the Buddha’s teachings are delivered through Buddhadasa’s MwB meditation, and the personal responses of the seeker during meditation are discussed with the hope of the seeker following the path by developing their own guide.
Formalising the retelling of a Seeker's Story could be a way of developing that meditation learning. Once the seeker has established a meditation practice, then the elder could begin to help the seeker retell their life so that they could identify the times when their suffering happened, what the causes of the suffering were, and help them further release the attachments they have in their lives. Through zandtaomed the seeker releases shadows, but there are egos that are not hidden and egos that are hidden but not damaging - like shadows. Through the retelling of their story egos are released leading to wellness and hopefully starting on the path. This is a good technique, a technique that requires trust in the elder, but a technique that has great potential. More needs doing to increase this formalisation of this retelling narrative technique. A zandtaomed advance - the Seeker Story
There is more than the writing on zandtao to show that this retelling works. Two things happened in Botswana that show the efficacy of retelling. Firstly bill did an M Ed whose structure was based on the experience of the teacher. There were two areas of experience that interested him – working with black kids and trade union work. The course was structured around the experience, and what attracted bill was that the experience was valued. Contrast the response he got from Witwatersrand Uni. He went to them to be considered for an M Ed. They looked at his 20 years of teaching, B.Sc in maths and stats, postgrad diploma in stats, and PGCE in teaching, and told him that he wasn’t qualified as a teacher. If he was going to study at Wits for an M Ed he needed a B Ed first; to be fair the person discussing this with him was embarrassed at the regulations.
After this reflective way of studying – still being in reflective mode bill began a mid-life review on his website, the remnants of which are here. This review was very significant at the time. he began meditation again, not formal daily meditation but meditation; there was meditation at Chiswick in early 1975 and the Muse meditation when writing, especially Kirramura in June 1992; this beginning meditation during review was the 3rd and significant time. However most significant about the review was that just after he left Botswana (where he did the review), he went to Thailand on a holiday and sat at Wat Phra Keau to decide he was Buddhist; there is no doubting that the review led to Buddhism in which meditation theoretically became a daily practice. At the same time the review was a signal to stop playing. Whilst the 2nd childhood lasted another 7 years – primarily gaining travel experience whilst working in international schools, spirituality was much more to the fore of bill's mind. The review was collating and assessing rather than retelling, but the process brought clarity. It is this clarity that zandtaomed encourages seekers to find through reflecting and telling their stories deeply – with or without elder support. Tell your Seeker Story.
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